But what's worse: having a bad haircut or having a bad haircut and having no one tell you? I spoke to several people in the past few days and I knew they saw my copper-colored, anorexic ponytail and said nothing. I saw their eyes glance towards my scalp... then my eyes... glance at my ponytail... then my eyes again and still remained silent. I'm sure the blind Ray Charles knows my hair is ugly, but he has an excuse not to say anything. Do you? If your friend looked as heinous as I do, would you have the courage to say something? Proverbs 27:6 says that wounds from a friends are better than kisses from an enemy. Essentially, it's better to hurt someone you love by telling them the truth, then having them believe lies from people who don't even like them.
Somewhere in our PC culture, it became uncouth to tell the truth if it meant being honest. Yesterday I sat down with someone I love and told them candidly that they were making a huge mistake. They had purchased a ticket, decided to move, live out every 20 year-old's dream, and I felt like a jerk because I had to be a dream-killer at the expense of speaking forth the truth. Because sometimes the truth hurts. I love people and when they are making a mistake, whether it's wearing a stone-washed fanny pack, having spinach in their teeth, or dating someone they shouldn't, I'm going to call them out. Can we be a generation and a culture that stops acting like we are on the set of the OC and start acting R.E.A.L. Just keep it real, friends! Be honest. Be authentic. Be real. Isn't that what we want more than anything?
Speak the truth in love... even when it hurts.
**Edit to post: Since a few people wanted to see the rat's tail (aka my hair), I posted a picture on Twitter here.
31 comments:
Goooood word.
Oh no!! a bad haircut always sucks!! I really connected with this post because it has been a hot topic with my group of friends we have always been brutally honest with one another and really have grown closer because of it but recently have been called out by others (not in the circle) for being too honest!? Really?
awesome. You are this kind of friend to me... thats why I love you. Well one of the many many reasons I love you. I cant wait to see your hair. I'm sure you look beautiful even if your hair doesnt... because you're THAT girl :) xoxo
Bad haircut on you, no way Jose!! Accessories girl and no one would notice it... Being truthful is hard because some people are not ready to hear the truth, I have lost "friend" cuz i told them what I think... Oh well God will provide
I've had people ask me to tell them the truth only to then go and throw it back at me and tell me I'm just mean! It's hard to be real with some people. But I agree that we all just need to be honest, genuine and authentic with each other. I'm a rubbish actor anyway!!! :)
I'm with Lindsay. I hear what you're saying and I TOTALLY AGREE, in theory. But how do you do this... and still maintain the friendships when a lot of people say they want the truth... but then when they hear it it's obvious they really didn't want it?
Just asking the question... to keep it real. ;)
Great post... and you know I am DYING to see a picture of your hair!!! :P
Friends, I totally FEEL you on this!!! Telling someone the truth HAS to be bathed in love. Not like in a super cheesy way, but in a way that conveys honestly draped in humility.
EG: The secretary from work saw my hair and gently prodded about the new color choice. She was honest by telling me that she preferred my old color better and encouraged me to maybe tone my color down a bit. She was honest, open, and loving.
Another friend told me that perhaps I should cut off my layers so it doesn't look like rat's tail. He was more honest, but maybe "thin ponytail" opposed to "rat tail" would've been better.
Know that you might lose a friend. But know that your integrity is still in tact. To thy own self be true (and honest!).
Pictures please!
LOL My daughter loves Punky Brewster BTW....and wants to dress like her haha, so don't worry you and her can bring that style back.
B. I am so happy to know that if I had a booger or a peice of toilet paper on my shoe that you would tell me. I love your blogs. Can't wait to hear more. You are hysterical and you make me look like the office freak when I am laughing at my desk by myself cuz of your blogs.
Yes. Super Rad Blog. If I was a blogger I would name myself Snoop Bloogy Blog. Too bad I am too lazy to type my thoughts. When will they ever come up with something you talk into that types your words? Wow.. I am so lazy. Next thing you know I am going to try and implant training wheels on my cankles so I don't have to walk. Mad props on the blogsite yo. Hallelujia Hollaback.
bi, your hair will grow and change back to its normal color, you will still be YOU so don't be bummed!! Burgandy hair and all, YOU STILL ARE BEAUTIFUL. Laugh it off!! Love you :)
WORD!!! and, I LOVE YOU!
-j
Another statement, I just love the way you write, you write exactly how you talk and I know you don't mean to be funny, but you are funny!! :)
I'm known for "keeping it real"! I'm as honest as they come, but peeps can't handle the truth, not even guys. The minute they either ask...or not and the truth is given, they lash back and are hurtful. Nonetheless, I am still honest. As for the hair, because I have curly hair, I'm a little hyper-sensitive about my hair, so I leave the hair comments out because if your hair color is bad and you say your ponytail is like a rat tail, you already know that, why do I have to hurt you when I know you are already feeling awkward about it? Now if you ask my opinion, then I'm thinking you don't know it looks bad and I will tell you as gently as possible. =)But what if I think it's horrible but you like the way it looks, isn't that a matter of opinion?
I will tell peeps when they have something in their teeth, a bat in the cave and their zipper's down. I appreciate friends that do the same. =)
ummm...i am going to bookmark this blog so i can send it to you when needed for a reminder. can you send me a picture as well please...i'm halfway across the world and i deserve it.
Alright y'all, I uploaded a picture onto twitter because I-Named-Your-Dog inspired me to do so (AND gave me a recommendation for a uberfabulous stylist/fancy-pants guy in LA.
And yes, my hair is the same color as my desk AND walls. Ugh.
Ummm, you forgot to mentioned I PAID FOR YOUR COLOR AND CUT! And you burned a hole in my wallet. Too bad I love you so dan much! ;)
xoxo
Dear World:
My rich sister paid for my hair because she loves me and so does her amazingly perfect husband :)
Dude give me a break you're H-O-T!! Have you been watching too many novelas??!!
Love your blogs. I was on vacation so I am catching up. Right now I am on a Bianco Blog Marathon. :)
Girl you make me laugh, cry, but most importantly you point me to God's view on important issues.
Thank you!
~Maria
Jasmine!!!!!! Omg. I was stalking out my sister Mona's page on fb and found your site. Holy Hole in a donut batman. Your work is amazing! I hope you still remember us lil people ;) Anyway, my boss's sister is getting married to a pretty famous rockstar. I told my boss's sister to check out your work and she was sooooo p/o'd because she fell inlove with your work but she already put a deposit on her photographer. The good thing is...She is a twin and her sister is getting married to another rockstar that is in the same band next year. Maybe you might be interested.... PS I Miss You.
-Desiree Amour Contreras
thank you for always being that friend who tells me the truth and calls me out if i need to be. <3
-ABR
I agree 100% but its so hard sometimes to tell that person the cold hard truth without them taking offence and thinking you're just opinionated.
Such a fine line between doing it in the right or wrong fashion.
I do agree though :) Keep it real! Fo' sho!!! LOL
Bianca, i love your hair color, what are you talking about, It's so HOT that i would copy your color ; ).. Girl you are HOt inside and out..
I can agree with this blog to a certain extent. But then again... What does it matter? If your friend wants to do something I think you should give them your opinion and love them either way. Who is to say it's a mistake? What maybe be a mistake to you might not be to them. No one will ever keep it real all the time. People lie everyday and people are never 100% themselves all the time. The problem is people are so judgemental and like to give their opinion on other peoples lives instead of making themself a better person. It shouldn't matter what your friends hair looks like, if they have a fanny pack or not, if that makes them happy then that's cool
only have one thing to say. AGREED. =]
Awesome post! My sister asked me the other day while going in for her final fitting if she had back fat showing in her wedding dress...I had to tell her the truth...ekk! (I don't know if I could of for a friend but sisters are different haha)
I just had this talk with my kids at breakfast. I told them to tell the truth in love always! Then they asked me if they don't like the present they get for their birthday from grandma do they just lie and tell her they like it? Just to be nice and not hurt her feelings?
It's so hard to tell your kids not to lie but you don't want them being rude or mean either??????
Totally...good.
Lord, grant me the bravery to do this for my friends and the humility to accept it myself.
"wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy" i love that! :) i'm looking for the rat tail photo now.
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