beautifully broken...

The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!' (Luke 15:28-30)

In The Phantom of the Opera, there is a scene when the mask that covers the monstrous face of the Phantom is dramatically pulled off and exposes the hideous creature beneath the mask. A heinous, marred face of the man with divine musical talent cowers like a beaten child. Even after seeing the play five times, I always cry every time the mask is removed—and now I’ve figured out why.

Amidst a small group of women on Sunday night, I trusted them to accept me for me; ugly, pockmarked, and decrepit. As uncomfortable as it must have been to watch me remove my mask, I knew it had to be done. The bible study paused as I metaphorically sung like the Phantom my story of jealousy, envy, and conviction. I saw some eyes turn away, shift, or look down; I’m sure it was out of embarrassment for me. But I knew the person beneath the mask and she longed to be exposed.

The girl. I hated her yet wanted to be her all at the same time. I felt like the world was celebrating sin and rewarding folly by fawning over this woman. But my mask hid the Prodigal-Brother-Syndrome and I watched with envious eyes as she was being blessed. What I didn’t realize was she had removed her mask to reveal the ugliness she possessed. In doing so, she invited the world to gaze upon her brokenness and marred past. I was convicted by her humility and honesty upon hearing her story; her ugliness was somehow beautiful up close and I needed to ask for forgiveness.

As I drove home on Sunday night feeling ugly and free and accepted, I knew why I cried when the Phantom removed his mask—he wanted to feel what I felt on Sunday night: beautifully broken and accepted.

the prayer of juarez...

You have to read it! Really, it’ll change your prayer life, she said. Maybe it’s the rebel in me, but anytime someone says I have to do something, I want to do the opposite. I know, I know, I’m a female James Dean. But since it was a dear friend whom I trusted, I took her word and bought the newest Christian phenom of a book, The Prayer of Jabez. The book is based off an obscure prayer found in the middle of a long section of genealogies in 1 Chronicles 4: “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.”

Here’s the book in one sentence: If we truly pray for God to bless us and be used for His kingdom, good things would happen—God would bless and enlarge our territory and we would serve Him in a deeper and expanded way.

Nothing is wrong with this assertion, but many people read this book like a get-rich-quick manual. Like God is a celestial Bob Barker waiting to pull back a colorful door to reveal A new boat! A new dining room set and china cabinet! A set of jet skis! and other signs of wealth. All we need to do is spin the prayer wheel and ask for the illusive $1.00 spot.

I don’t know if this was the author’s intention, but to me, it was a palatable prosperity gospel* in mini-book form. It didn’t bode over well as I sat back and looked at my mother who was dying of cancer, I was a stellar college grad who was jobless, and my heart was broken for choosing God’s will over mine. I rested the book on my chest, placed my hand on my chemo-ridden mother and thought of Paul the Apostle. According the 2 Corinthians, Paul had frequently been in prison, flogged severely, exposed to death many times, whipped 39 lashes five times, beaten with rods three times, stoned, shipwrecked, and endured dehydration and starvation. But his territory expanded. In fact, he authored more than half the New Testament, was thee early church father, and was a legit theologian who has changed lives even today.

The Prayer of Jabez is a poetic request from God, and yes, God blesses the lives of those who serve Him. But the Prayer of Juarez would include, Thy will be done, not my will. Come cancer, death, success, and health, blessed be your name. You give and take away, but my heart will surely say, blessed be your name.

*Prosperity gospel: the belief that God rewards faithful and sincere Christians with success! Good health! And material prosperity!

Friday Video Post: Is Drinking a Sin...

Some Christians think of alcohol as up there with adultery, idol worship, and South Park. I met a fundamentalist who argued that the "wine" drunk in the Bible is not wine at all but actually grape juice (I'm pretty sure Thomas Welch was behind that theory). I simply asked for a scripture reference which bans alcohol. He couldn't provide one. I wasn't lobbying for the alcohol industry, I was simply advocating for a balance of scripture.

Is Drinking A Sin? from Bianca Juarez on Vimeo.

When I don't have the answer on a topic, I search for one. Being a nerd, I found the experts of all experts, a conservative Christian oenophile named Daniel Whitfield. Whitfield has made an astoundingly exhaustive study of every alcohol reference in Scripture--all 247 of them. I quote his findings here:

On the negative side, there are 17 warnings against abusing alcohol, 19 examples of people abusing alcohol, 3 references to selecting leaders, and one verse advocating abstinence if drinking will stumble a brother. Total negative references: 40, or 16 percent.

On the positive side, there are 59 references to the commonly accepted practice of drinking wine (and strong drink) with meals, 27 references to the abundance of wine as a example of God's blessing, 20 references to the loss of wine in offerings and sacrifices, 9 references to wine being used as a gift, and 5 metaphorical references to wine as a basis for a favorable comparison. Total positive references: 145, or 59 percent.

[Note: Being an over-achiever, I also found one reference to medicinal alcohol in 1 Timothy 5:23. Maybe my grandma knew a little sumthin' sumthin' if you know what I mean!]

It comes down to the battle between the Bible's gusto for life, and the Bible's weariness of excess. Between it's Epicureanism and Puritanism. You can find both themes in Scriptures. The Epicurean side is best seen in Ecclesiates:

"There is nothing better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and find fulfillment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God" (Ecclesiates 2:24).

So, what's do you think? How can we have our liberties, yet be mindful of our weaker brothers? Comments, suggestions, stones to throw?

revelations to revolutions...

Last night I met with two wonderful girls from Wonderfully Made to discuss stories about life, Internet friendships, and changing the world one day at a time. These amazing women are starting conferences on college campuses and churches with the sole ambition of reminding girls that no matter who you are or what you look like, you're wonderfully made.

Kayla is bubbly and chipper and beautiful inside and out. Allie is honest and kind and strong, yet soft spoken. Over her ahi salad and ice water, Kayla asked me how my Biblical Living challenge was going. I paused for a second then blurted out that I'm totally a pharisee and had a huge revelation while in Chicago last week. I decided that maybe I should share it here as well.

I wasn't going to post anything about this challenge anymore but I think I should chronicle the revelation I had and share it with the blogosphere. If anything else, I'm documenting my committment to love like Jesus loved, live like Jesus lived, and touch like Jesus touched.

revelations to revolutions... from Bianca Juarez on Vimeo.

fish and bicycles...

In the 70s a feminist by the name of Irina Dunn coined the ever-popular phrase, A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. If what she said was true, then call me Nemo and hand me a Schwinn, baby! This fish needs a bicycle.

She would never come to know how her graffiti mark on a restroom wall would impact much of the Feminist movement even today. She died alone and divorced in her Australian apartment. I often wonder if she surrounded herself with books at night to keep her warm--then laugh because so do I.

With that being said, Marcus Buckingham's book is rocking my world. I am learning so much and I barely started chapter two?! One point has been ringing in my ears for the last hour: Since the feminist revolution, women's satisfaction in life has decreased steadily every year. What's the correlation? I'm sure Michael will address this coming chapters but my own assertions lead me to Genesis 2 (yes, I'm a bible nerd).

God knew that Adam needed a mate suitable for him (v18) and it definitely wasn't an animal (v20). Biblical narrative suggests that Eve was physically taken from Adam's side, but who knew how long that might have taken?! Donald Miller noted in his lecture* that it probably took roughly ten years. I don't know about you but after years of naming animals, I'd sing out some poetry too if I saw someone made from me, butt-naked and unashamed!

So maybe, just maybe, fish were meant to ride bicycles. Okay, okay, maybe the analogy doesn't work, but is there a correlation between feminist ideology and unhappiness in life?

Totally curious and open to opinions,

The Man Lover

*Million Miles book tour (Los Angeles, CA)

my computer, cast away, and commands...

I'm still crying about not having my laptop. According to the FedEx Fascists, next-day delivery doesn't actually mean the next day. No, it means whenever they feel like delivering it. I guess if this was Cast Away, I'd be Tom Hanks, completely forgotten, and talking to a volleyball waiting for someone from FedEx to actually care I'm forgotten.


As I writhe in longing for my appendix, I will share some learnings I had in Chicago. The short: I'm totally the suckiest Christian ever. I started my Live Biblically challenge like all other challenges I self-impose: decide now, assess later. As always, assessing my decision to do this in the middle of the vow has been like asking for directions in the middle of a hurricane. As a control freak, I gave the illusion that everything was fine while my left eyelid twitched, heart stuttered, and head spun trying to follow my list. I've been driving myself crazy trying to be a good Christian. But that's been the problem. I'm will never ever live up the title Little Christ (literal definition).

Here's the best part--it was never expected of me.

What does God expect of us? What is the Christian faith about? Going to church on Sundays, praying before meals, and stringently following a list of commands--or does God expect more? When people say they are Christians, what exactly does that mean? If you're a Christian and you believe Jesus is the Son of God, then all He said and did is deeply significant to how we live our lives. So it's cool we believe, but God expects more. More than prayer, church attendance, or a list of rules; God asks us for everything. As Richard Stearns pointed out, He requires a total life commitment from those who would be His followers. In fact, Christ calls us to be His partners in changing our world, just as He called the twelve to change their world two centuries ago.

So, the challenge can be wrapped up in two simple commands, not 2,345,345,962:
Luke 10:27, ...'Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul with all your strength with all your mind,' and 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' I think I might be able to pull this off after all.

why i'll be a horrible parent...

I love my laptop. No, really, I love my laptop. When I take it to my Mac genius for routine checkups, I have separation anxiety and suffer from empty nest syndrome. I always joke around that it's my child and she's needy. I even bought a pink plastic cover in case she's ever dropped or something hits her. What worries me the most is that I'll be the parent who makes their kid wear a helmet out to the grocery store--you never know what might happen in the frozen foods section! As my mother always says, it's better to be safe than sorry.

So you can imagine my horror when I opened my baby carrier (aka laptop side bag) to discover she wasn't there [reason #835,458,457 why I'll be a horrible parent]. I nearly passed out. She's my life. No, literally, my life. Everything of importance is on that cubic piece of technology (even my thesis from grad school which I've yet to backup on a hard drive). I immediately called the location of the conference and they graciously shipped it out today.

I have a loaner laptop from the IT department from work which everyone says is the same thing, but right now I feel like Angelina Jolie in Changeling, people! This is not my child! I know my child. I'm not crazzzzyyyy!

All that to say, I can't do my Friday Vlog which I'm totally bummed about because I don't have a camera. What I will say is I can't wait to share with you what is brewing in my head about the comments on those trying to jump in the challenge to live biblically. One word: Grace. I'll post the video on Monday, so hopefully you'll come back and check it out.

Love,

The Pharisee of all Pharisees

fighting and feelings...

Friend: Why are you doing this challenge? You already live biblically.

Me: No I don't.

Friend: Oh my gosh! Yes, you do. Living biblically is simply living like Christ. You do that.

Me: No, really, I don't.

Friend [loud]: Yes, YOU DO!

Me [louder]: NO I DON'T!

Fine [exasperated]: Fine! You may not, but I do.

Me [yelling]: NO! YOU! DON'T!

And with that final upper cut to the ribcage, I busted out a verbal UFC move on my dear friend. The low blow stunned my friend in the way Chuck Liddell would've stunned Tito Ortiz in a fight to the finish. Exasperated and slightly wounded, Friend replies, Fine, do what you want. But I'm not talking to you for the next two weeks. This is ridiculous. I wrapped my prayer shawl around me and began quoting scripture outloud. Not really, but I totally felt like a Pharisee, yet righteous all at the same time.

But here's the truth: I don't live biblically. And neither does my friend. And if you're honest, neither do you.

I have this list with me as a reference point in case I forget what the bible says on, say, looking at their amazing book and being filled with envy (Luke 12:15), or wanting to be first in line (Mark 10:43-44), or wanting to pour Nyquil in the bottom of the crying baby next to me on my last six hour flight (BiancaNeedsJesus 1:1).

So here's the challenge for us today: pick one command of Jesus today and live it out. Seriously, take one simply tenet of Christ-like living and do it in In The Name Of Love. For God is love and as His children, we are to do likewise (John 15:12).