Monday, March 15, 2010

keepin' it real... again...

There is a danger in compartmentalizing life. But sometimes compartmentalizing life blocks out fears, questions, doubts, or confusion.

Last week I received beautiful prayer requests from people across the globe. Some were funny and others serious, but each one spoke honestly and from the heart.

In the midst of writing down post-it notes for people, I paused when I read the ending comment from Steph, How can I pray for you????

I couldn't respond at that moment because I'd probably have the longest comment. Ever. But after a few days of processing and opening up the public and private compartments of my heart,* I realized I need to keep it real.

So, this is me. My private world unveiled and raw through supplications for prayer. Please don't judge me--I don't have the luxury of anonymity.
  • We need a revolution for our generation. Hearts need to turn back, minds need to be cleansed, and lives need redemption. I want to be part and parcel of changing our world for the better. I just need to figure out how...
  • There's a strong possibility I'm going to be a step-mother. I don't want to be Cruella DeVil or Cinderella's step-mother, so pray for love, patience, and understanding of a child's mind.
  • I want to get off the weight roller coaster, but it's the never ending ride. I desire contentment above a certain illusive weight. Pray for acceptance of my body.
  • I don't know how I'm going to afford living and supporting a family doing ministry. I want to share and teach, wherever, whenever, but I know I have rent to pay and bills to manage. Pray for a simple lifestyle that lends itself to ministering the Gospel.
  • I want to be faithful like David, but I'm a sign-seeking Gideon. I want signs for signs. What I really need is faith. More faith.
So my dear blog friends, I shamelessly solicit prayer. I'm a coward in my private prayer life because I'm afraid to open myself and ask for prayer. But Lord knows I need it!

*This is also because a dear friend who anonymously reads my blog told me she was going to boycott my blog if I didn't start having more faith. She told me I needed to ignore my blog until I started believing what I was preaching. Ouch! But her prodding caused me to keep it real.

47 comments:

Denise Fath said...

Will definitely keep those prayer requests in mind!

I don't know why this is - but I'm always reluctant to ask people to pray for me too. I'm the first to admit that I don't have my stuff together, so I'm surprised when my pride gets in the way of asking such a simple, yet important thing of others.

I know no faith would be required if we could see all God does clearly, but sometimes I wish I could just see the power of intercessory prayer. Ah, I guess it's an area I'll have to continue to work on...

First time reader on your blog - really like it!

Diandra Ann said...

Your post it note is on my wall. Always praying for you friend :)

Bianca said...

Thanks, Denise! Welcome to the blog and thanks for the comment :)

Diandra, I love you. I can't wait for Monday :)

Bianca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Raquel said...

This past Friday I saw a skit on the power of prayer, after watching it and CRYING (which is extremely hard for me) all I have to say is: I got your back!!!

Praying for you. James 5:16
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Steph said...

YES!!!! I checked back a few times to see if you responded to my comment! I am praying for you, my dear.

And, in an effort to keep it real, I am the 's.' from the confession post.

Lastly, you 'felt me' on my confessions, and GIRLFRIEND, I totally feel you on these prayer requests. GIDEON? Got one! Over here!

I'm thankful you're my sister, and that through the bond of our Father we can support and uphold each other!

JclovesJC said...

You know I am always praying for you!!
Love you!!!

The Montgomerys said...

You have an amazing heart! Praying for you :)
<3
mon

Cirene said...

Ur awesome B! =) Will be praying for ur requests and remember ur not alone. There's always someone else who is going through something similiar, so its always refreshing and encouraging when someone speaks out on it. Keepin it real sista! <3

the BLAH BLAH BLAHger said...

Thanks for your awesome transparency, girl! It's nice to know we're not alone in this wild ride...

PS - so excited for our date tomorrow!!!

Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you Bi that the Lord send you signs and confirms to your heart! Ur a beautiful woman of God and though at times your faith is not as strong as other times, You are still holy and God's beloved, and a beautiful example of a godly woman to me, my hubby, and many others. We all need more faith!! I am reading the book of John, that is helping me with faith as I read God's miracles and know that we can do nothing apart from God, it is all about God!! I love you bi!! :)

Markus Riese said...

Dear Bianca,

I just read your blog, print it and put it on my wall in my office, so I was always remember to pray for you. But I am still thinking of you every day, because I pray for you every night when I go to bed. I know we don't know personally, but you pray for me and that is awesome. I do not know many people who would do this for me.

I don't think you are coward, you are very brave to do all these things...and I think you will master it. I believe in you.

I hope you stay like you are and I hope I can meet you anytime in real life...

I wish you and your family all the best,
Markus :-)

Dana said...

I love you very much and will be praying for everything you've asked us all to pray for!! God's will be done!

Sincerely,
The friend you've never met!! ;-)

Angie said...

Thanks for being real!! I know some are embarrased or ashamed to ask for prayer but I will take all the prayer I can get. If someone says I'm praying for you and your family I am so blessed and will ask them to pray for me as much as possible. The power of prayer is so amazing. I love to see the Lord using young, single Christians. The Lord has blessed you abundantly with many gifts, just keep on keeping on B! Oh and of course I will keep your petitions in my prayers!

christy said...

Will totally be praying for you...Again, I love your realness and your willingness to share with those of us u havent even met...

love u!

Jackson Stava & said...

my first comment didnt work so lets try this again...bianca, ok first i just want to say i love your blog, always such good stuff. i started blog stalking you because a) i work with Jeanette at APU and b) jasmine photographed my wedding a couple years ago. anyway, all that to say i recently found out you are the keynote at CCLC this year and i am stoked! i am the asst. director for about 140student leaders who we are taking to the conference so hopefully then i can come out of my creeper status and actually introduce myself. you are gonna rock and have so much knowledge and truth to bring to those students, dont be too nervous. know that you already have a fan in the crowd :). much love, melissa stava

Raquel said...

I love and appreciate your honesty! You are added to the prayer list!! I can't wait to see what God will do in all our lives! He is faithful!

DtothaG said...

Mi Amiga! I always gotcha in prayer sis, but will def pray for these specific things. And cmon, you know you will be the coolest stepmom!!

Renay. said...

B, even though we have talked briefly about some of your requests, I know that the Lord will have to help you with your fears, doubts, lack of faith, etc. But He will! I know, because I've been there. I'm a Gideon too! :) Thanks for your courage and honesty. Love you & prayin' for you!

Kati said...

Girlfriend, any kids will be in good shape to have you as a stepmom. I have a few good resources on step families if you want them. I also have lots of love and prayers for you, whether you want them or not! You're a beautiful and strong woman inside and out and God will relieve your insecurity over weight issues. Thank you for such genuine solicitation of prayer! So refreshing.

Michelle said...

Basically, I just want to echo what everyone before me said. You are a fabulous example of a faithful woman. I don't recall reading about any heroes of the faith who NEVER vacillated or struggled. The struggle is part of the journey (much to my chagrin).

Everytime you post your authentic heart I'm flooded with love for you and I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not the only one. ;)

And in terms of step-mom I don't have any answers. I'm not a step mom. But I am a mom. And from my 12 years of being in the parenting trenches kids want a couple of things for sure. They want consistency, respect, trust, honesty and compassion. If you start there... (well, start with prayer... then move on to my handy list) I believe God will bless your relationship with this child(ren).

Your post it is RIGHT on the bottom of my monitor. :)

Love,
Michelle (your interweb friend). :)

Faith, Food and Fitness For Real said...

So cool how we can put out of request and immediately the body starts to pray. Makes me wonder how come it takes us so long to ask. Speaking for myself! Praying for you..

Speaking from a step-daughter.. I love my dad because he chose to love me as his own even though I wasn't. There is no greater blessing, when someone who has no obligation to raise you and love you as their own. You will be a great step-mom if it is the Lords will because of the love you have for Matt.

Praying for you!
Love,
Mon

Marisa said...

b- check out my friend amy's blog...she left a high position, well paying career at microsoft to work for IJM (and took a 50% pay cut). she's had to learn a lot but it took a lot of faith to get her where she's at - may she be an encouragement to you!

amylucia.wordpress.com

praying for you sister :)

Liz D. said...

Hi Bianca, Just want to let you know 3 things:
1. We all struggle in our faith. We all have that mountain of impossibility in our life. Isn't it awesome that God tells us if we have faith as small as a mustard seed (very small seed by the way)we can say to this mountain move?
2. If you become a step mom, i am sure your love and conviction for God will win this child over. He or she would be blessed to have you and your family as a part of their life.
3. We need to sometimes sit at the feet of Jesus and thank him for his faithfulness and remember that he has and will never let us down.

Love you! Liz D. :)

Dionna said...

I can relate to so many of your prayer requests. I, too, want to be part and parcel in changing our world for the better and am still figuring out where it is God is leading me in that.

And I'm a stepmom. Became a full-time custodial stepmom at 23. I hate the evil words and images that come with that name. Just be your best and love your best.

Anonymous said...

PROUD of you!
Always praying!
143 x10
-j

Lydia said...

Bianca, thanks for being so real and open. You're in my prayers!

mtranier2008 said...

wow bianca, reading this post today inspired me to do the same. thank you for your vulnerability and transparency. i blogged about your blog today and felt freedom to write out real prayer requests. you are inspiring and definitely a role model. thanks!

mtranier2008 said...

ps - totally praying for you ;-)

Sare said...

Isn't it interesting that although you feel like a coward the rest of us can't imagine being brave enough to post so much about our thoughts, struggles and triumphs to the world wide web and have people know our faults! Most of us i'm guessing posted annonymously on the post about confessions......

You better believe we'll all be praying for you and i think you should make it a regular post so that your world wide readers can be constantly and faithfully supporting you in prayer just as you support and challenge our walks with your words... just a thought :)

thanks for keeping it real.

S

amyeneal said...

I love it. Thats all I can say. There's nothing better than transparency and I totally feel everything you are saying. Now I (we) really do know how to pray for you. :)

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

Thanks for the honesty.

Random question ...

... if there is a strong possibility that you are going to be a step-mother (nothing wrong with that) ... than why are YOU going to be the one "supporting a family". Won't the future husband, and father of the step-child, be supporting his family???

Yep ... FAITH is the BIG part of the picture that you need to see. IF God is calling you to a life of ministry, THAN, you must have the faith that HE will provide for your financial needs.

Remember ... Papa D. quit his secure teaching job last summer ... committed to a full-time job in ministry ... with ZERO guaranteed income. We moved to a little island ... before selling our house. We have 6 kids still at home, 2 in college, and 1 on the mission field (all of which we are supporting). We gave up the comfort of a wonderful and big house. We gave up the security of health insurance, a steady income, retirement benefits, etc... Why? Because God called us and He told us that we have to TRUST HIM in order to fulfill HIS calling on our lives.

God may call you to a different profession.

God may call you to be a stay-at-home mom to this child he is bringing into your life.

Or, God may tell you to stay right where you are at, in ministry, and He may tell you to trust HIM for the finances to provide for your family. (But ... you will have to be willing to SIMPLIFLY ... no more dreams of the fancy sports car, etc...)

YOU do not have to provide for your family. YOU need to trust God to show you how HE is going to provide.

love ya,

Mama D.

Jasmine said...

I'm praying for you. PRAYING FOR YOU TO CALL ME BACK!! ;)

Anonymous said...

Bianca, I believe u started a post it revolution..3m will be happy!
1. Your request is now in my prayer book.
2. Im a step daughter and I have the worlds best Dad. no doubt that if you are given that honor, you will be the best Mom, you have a good roll model!
3. Call your Sister back. I dont have one, but wish I did.

xoxo anna peavy

Easy as ABC said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kimbo said...

i love you SO much for keeping it real and always reminding us girls to keep it real. You're my inspiration lovely!

Kimbo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ruthie said...

Lovely and beautiful. Always praying for you. Again, you're an inspiration. Bee Tee DoubleU: I think you'll be a fantastic step-mom.

Brianna said...

I already pray for you every single day. I guess I could be a little more specific though.

mac said...

Dear Bianca,

you inspired me to wrote my own blog in english. And from time to time, I want to try to ask questions in the way you do. I think I need time and I think my blog will be not a quarter as good as yours, but I will try.

I opened it with a very controversial question, but that's what happend at the time here in germany. And I would like to know, what you think about that.

http://littlegiantsworld.blogspot.com/

Hope to hear from you.

Your german friend,
Markus :-)

rebeccannb said...

I will definitely be praying for you! I love that you are keeping it real!

Jason said...

I will definitely be praying for you.

I hope you don't get mad but I want to share something I learned based on this from your post: "I want to be faithful like David, but I'm a sign-seeking Gideon. I want signs for signs. What I really need is faith. More faith."

I used to really get down on myself for that. I would look for signs and I would ask that God give me something tangible to hold on to when it came to trusting Him. It made me question my faith and I had many "Christian leaders" tell me that it was a sin to be asking God for a sign. It just fed that cycle that faith is only when you're trusting with no sign.

Then one night while praying and thinking about Scripture God just hit me with something. Gideon was a man of God. Gideon was in the Bible. It wasn't a sin for him to ask God for a sign.

Then I thought of other people who had signs given to them...Moses, Noah...and I realized that it's not a sin to ask for a sign when you're really having a hard time with your faith.

Now, if you make signs your idol, it is...but just saying "God, I'm feeling beaten down and tired. Can you just give me something to help jolt me out of this?" isn't a sin...and many times He'll do something to remind you how much he loves you.

And B, He loves you. Big time.

Joyce DZ said...

From Philippians 1:9–10 NIV (as it seems apropos) :)
This is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.

Hugs and thank you for encouraging other people through your honest work. :)

Christine Newhook said...

I completely agree that we need a revolution. We need more good hearted people like yourself :) You are beautiful. Your looks, your mind and your soul are all absolutely stunning. Never forget that! Your blog has helped me to have more faith. I haven't fully identified myself with a particular religion but I'm starting to have more faith in mankind and mother nature. Thank you.

Christa Hann said...

Praying for you B :)

Alece said...

thank you for so honestly sharing how we can best pray for you.

i'll be talking to Him about you...

KATEE said...

B... thanks for posting your prayer requests!!! I will pray for you along these lines every time I think of you!!! I am excited to pray for you and excited to see how God works in these areas of your life as you've so beautifully and vulnerably opened up your heart, your personal heart even moreso, to the body of Christ...

don't "know" you but I love you and am so thankful for your blog and blessed to get to pray for you.

xoxo,
katee grace

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