Thursday, April 8, 2010

not sure i said yes...

Atop the veranda at the J. Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles, Matthew Olthoff asked me to marry him. And I'm not sure I said yes.
Rewind.

Three weeks ago I started snooping around and asking subtle questions about my birthday. As coyly and coquettishly as possible, I tried discovering the master plan for my birthday experience. After a few days of failed discoveries, I flat out asked what we were doing for my birthday in an exasperated tone. Oh, that's right, he dryly stated without lifting his eyes from his computer screen. Your birthday is coming up.

Without getting into reasons as to why I ignored him for the full hour of Project Runway, I will say I was internally cooling off and trying to love him in spite of his lack of care, waning love, and overwhelming apathy. But I was so angry.

It felt as if he didn't care. He didn't love me. He had taken for granted who I was in his life and I was now officially part of his office furniture. And, if I'm being totally honest with you, this made me question staying in our relationship. If he can't love me the way I need to be loved or the way I love him, I confessed to my mother, I'm not sure he is the one for me.

Fast forward.
Tuesday, April 6th
Arriving to the Getty was like arriving to the Disneyland of nerds. And I felt at home. Matt and I sat on a bench with a pastry and hot beverage and talked about life, the blessings God has given me, and how special he made me feel. I still had no clue he was proposing.

After a few art collections had been viewed, he pulled out another present for me while we sat on the lawn of the Getty garden. It was a book I've wanted but couldn't find. Score! Under the golden California sun we read and laughed and chatted about things we loved. I still had no clue he was proposing.

He packed an amazing lunch with various cheeses, salads, drinks, and love. He insisted we move to a new location for lunch. Begrudgingly I complied, but did so while complaining about leaving the perfectly great spot by the tree.

Atop the veranda with the Hollywood hills, downtown LA, and the Pacific ocean as our backdrop, we ate lunch and spoke about what life in the future would entail while the wind blew lightly across our faces. As dishes were wiped off and food put away, Matt asked me what I wanted to do next. I said, Today has been perfect. But I would really love to go read some more!

In true movie script form he pulls out a book wrapped in clear cellophane and says, Well... I think you should read this. He created a book complied with old emails, pictures from the last year, prayers he wrote for me, personality traits we each possess, and through it all, I had no clue he was proposing.

As I turned each page of the book I realized how much he loved me, how well he knew me, and how much he cared. The entire month he belabored over insuring I would be surprised. The lack of care was a front. The apathy was a lie. The waning love was sheer acting talent. The last page had a trifold adhered to it, sealed with a sticker. Inside was the most beautiful letter he's ever written ending with the words, Bianca Juarez, will you marry me?

I'm not sure I even said yes. I think it was more along the sobbing lines of, I'mSoSorryIDoubtedYouILoveYouSoMuchAndI'mSorry. He kissed my forehead and slipped the ring on my finger as I cried like baby. I'm not even sure I said yes.

Matt, my answer is yes. A resounding yes! If I could marry you tomorrow and wake up next to you for the rest of my life, either in a hut or a mansion, I would. My life is better because of you and you constantly push me to discover who I am, who God is, and how I can change the world for better. I promise I will never leave you or abandon our new family and my commitment is for life... even when I want to give up and quit. Thank you for taking me back--twice. I love you more today than yesterday... but not as much as tomorrow.

76 comments:

Anonymous said...

Checked in first thing morning because I was anxious to find out the details. Again, I'm thilled for you...words can't express.

Love you

1717

Brooks Gibbs said...

My heart is jumpy for you! Giggles inside with a big smile. I'm teary and all. I absolutely love love. Congrats my friend.

Tira J said...

So incredibly happy for you Bianca! Your engagement story is so romantic. Are you sure Jasmine wasn't hiding in a bush with her camera? All the love and blessings to you and Matt.

Annie said...

So, as I sit here BAWLING, I am feeling very blessed to be able to be a teeny tiny little part of all of this. Even though it's only via computer, I feel like I know you two...

I once heard Lisa Bevere say that when you feel so close to someone but can't quite put your finger on why or how, it's because your spirits have both been sitting at the throne of God at the same time and your hearts are now knit together in the experience.

BB, this is you and Matt. I'm so unbelieveably thrilled for you two beautiful people!!

Name Nazi said...

He sounds like a catch! And how wonderful of him to think about the fact that he just gave you a memento of the proposal that you can have forever and show your children and grandchildren by giving you that book. Its a gorgeous story.

Congratulations and all the love in the world ...

Monika said...

Oh, so romantic!!! I´m so happy for you!!!
Greetings from Czech republic :-)

Carrie LeighAnna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carrie LeighAnna said...

YAY!!! I'm so happy for you, Bianca! Your ring is freakin incredible and your story is even better! SO, So, So, SOOO excited for you!!!!

By the way, if I'm interpreting your note to the future hubs correctly, I can tell you that my husband took me back twice too. Awesome men are hard to find, but when you get one, you just know. Especially when they take you back :)

Ivee said...

Congratulations Bianca! May the Lord bless your new family with love ever-overflowing!

(Btw, I'm writing this from the library of my university, and I'm struggling to not sob! Even though I only know you by your blog, I feel so incredibly happy for you! Congratulations again!)

christy said...

so romantic and heartfelt! So happy for you and excited at the same time....you guys seem to match perfectly and it's plain to see that God is at the core of your relationship!!

Katherine said...

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



G-D bless,
Katherine

MelaKamin said...

Awesome - made me think of my own proposal story in Cali - in San Fran at the Palace of Fine Arts - didn't have a clue either & it included a book also (the textbook of the class we met in in college) and he hollowed it out to fit the ring box. Love stories like this where guys go to great lengths to make it really special. God's richest blessings to you & Matt!

Nina49a said...

sigh* sniff sniff* SO beautiful. SO perfect.

Dana said...

Can you believe??? I sure can White Flower!! ;-) You've had your dream realized and I know it was more than you could have ever imagined it would be! I'm ecstatically happy for you!! I will continue to pray for the strength of your relationship with Matt!! May you guys live out the life God planned for you!! So AWESOME!!

Bianca said...

@1717: Can you believe it?!?!? Eeeeeek!!! We were JUST talking about this last week!

@Brooks: Thank you so much. It means so much to me! Travel the midwest safely!

@Tira: From APU until now, so much has changed! Who would've thought 2 years ago I would be here?!

@Annie: I feel the same way. Is that weird? But when I share this with everyone, it feels like I'm telling family.

@NameNazi: The book is amazing! I sobbed while i read it.

@Monika: I LOVE the ChechRepublic!!! Thank you for your warm congrats!

@Carrie: EXACTLY! I freaked out and broke up with him and he lovingly, yet firmly set great standards. I love him so much and I will never leave him again.

@Ivee: Ahhhhhhh!!! I can't believe it. Sharing this story with readers is like sharing it with friends. I know people probably think that's weird, but knowing YOU know, means something to ME.

@Christy: God is our core. Foundation. Hope. Thank you for being part of this whole story. I'm so excited for this journey.

@Katherine: Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@Mela: It's the LITTLE things that make it so special. Your story sounds very similar to mine and it's awesome!!! Thanks for the love.

@Nina!!!!!! Ok, seriously, you can even ask Al. When he was speaking two weeks ago, I was having major doubts!!! I gushed out my whole pathetic life and felt stupid afterwards. I thought Matt didn't love me... but this whole time he was mapping everything out. Please tell Al that I am so GLAD he spoke to me straight-up. Give him a big smooch for me!

Melinda said...

Congratulations!! Very happy for you and we wish you the best as you step out in faith. Praying for you guys!

Bianca said...

@Dana: I know?! From White Flower to now... my God so much has changed!!!! How did the shoot go??? I can't wait to see it!

@Melinda: Please keep praying for us! Thank you for sharing your Saturday night with us. xoxo

Jason said...

That's simply fantastic. What a great way for him to do it. I never did that for my wife. In fact, I never officially proposed. We just looked at each other one day and said "God wants us to get married" and we did it.

Probably too late to do that proposal thing now. :)

Congrats, Bianca. You deserve the challenges and struggles and pain and frustrations that come from being married...because without all of that you won't really be able to appreciate the joy. :)

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

Hey B.

Sooo... excited for you!!! When's the Big Day?

Hugs!


Mama D.

MaddiePie Creations said...

Well that's great...now I have to go find some makeup because i just cried it all off. Fabulous!

Bianca, I am so very happy for you. Even though we have never met and only know each thru blogs and comments - my heart is full of happiness for you. I am truly blessed to have you in my life (in whatever form that is) and honored that I can follow along in your fabulous new journey.

mandiegirl said...

beautiful story, and congrats! :) So happy!!

Cirene said...

How wonderful & beautiful!! =) So happy for u! Looking forward to ur summer series!

JV said...

What a beautiful proposal story! Wishing God's best for the both of you on this new adventure!

LeolaK said...

Congratulations Bianca! Thanks for sharing such a beautiful, romantic story and time in your life. You and Matt seem to be perfect for each other! That's great to find in this crazy world!

I only know of you from your sister Jasmine's blog (who is also GREAT by the way) and occasionally check out your blog as well. What inspirational sprits you two are. Again, congratulations and much love to you on a great new chapter of your life.

Bianca said...

@Jason: Oh my word!!! Dude, you need to go ask her to marry you!!!! Hahahaha :)

@Mama: No concrete date set, but I really am looking forward to something soon. Don't want to waste time :)

@Brooke: Yes, we are in each other's lives. As weird as it sounds, we are! I think of your son, your daughter, your hubby, your dreams, goals, hopes, and fabulous blonde hair!

@Mandie: Ahhhhhh, I'm so happy too!!!

@JV: It may not be everyone's cup-of-tea, but it's mine. And I love it. And I'm excited to share this with others.

Beth said...

Oh my goodness...that is so, so beautiful!! You must be over the moon! So happy for you!

Anonymous said...

Bianca...congrats! You're story is an example/proof that God's gifts are the best and far better than what we can imagine. You inspire me to continue waiting on God's will.

Debbie Z

Joshua Skogerboe said...

Outstanding. I love love stories. I'm living one, too. Congratulations and God bless you both. Kudos to your man for doing it RIGHT. :-) I wrote about my engagement night, too. One of the best nights of my life > http://www.jskogerboe.com/?p=538

Laurie Bracewell said...

Bianca, this is so beautiful! It brought tears to my eyes. Many blessings to you and Matt and hopes for a beautiful life together with your new family. I will be praying for you two as you prepare your hearts for marriage. May God always be at the center of it. SO excited and happy for you both!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Bianca and God is good and Faithful, by just looking at your life it makes me believe in GOD even more, God Bless you and your future marriage.

rebeccannb said...

I feel like I just read the best novel ever with the greatest "happily ever after"! :) I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff.
Congratulations! I'm very excited for you!

Amanda Joy said...

CONGRATS! That is amazing and such a sweet story! Now I just need to find myself a good Christian man! ASAP! haha

Enjoy your engagement... I hear it flies by!

www.amanda-joy.com

Anonymous said...

grammar correction to my comment**Your Story**, but you are an ispiration! =)
Debbie Z

Carol said...

Oh my gosh Bianca! I'm so happy for you girl! I'm in tears reading your proposal story! So awesome! Its like a little movie or something. Honestly, you r like my little hero for this season. I mean your so passionate about teaching others the love of Jesus and you being with someone never got in the way of your true love-Jesus. And that my friend, is simply awesome! You got a huge heart and your a true testimony on how faithful the God we serve is! thanks again for sharing with all of us your beautiful proposal. Your in my prayers.

ruthie said...

YAY! What a blessing you are to each other. Wishing you all the blessings in for your family and your future! YAY! I love stories like this. :D

Jessica said...

I'm speechless! Wow!! Congratulations Bianca and Matt!! I pray that your new engaged life and married life is filled with blessings and your love with Matt to be a small reflection of the love you have for God! My best wishes and many blessings!!!

Lydia said...

So, so sweet!! If Jasmine takes your engagement pictures, I can't wait to read what she writes about you and Matt! I'm so happy for you, Bianca! Congratulations!!

Syreena B said...

Your story is sooooooo beautiful!! This is such an exciting time in life. I've been married for a little over four years now and already forget the details and exact words when he prosed (although I remember vividly my emotion :) But you will be so thankful that you have this written account to look back on. I see God in everything you do Bianca. I pray nothing but blessings on your new family :) Love and kisses... Syreena

Damaris Mia said...

This was beautiful! I got teary-eyed reading this. God Bless you both!

ajnrileysmommy said...

YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! sooo happy for you!! and by the way...not that it matters in the grand scheme of life, but that ring is to DIE for! :)

the BLAH BLAH BLAHger said...

What a beautiful story and a beautiful day...I totally giggled about how he had you fooled though! The total surprise makes it that much more amazing.

PS - did I mention that when I woke up on Tuesday I texted you, then though, I bet she gets engaged today. I have a sixth sense and can predict engagements...true story!

Lindsay said...

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! So exciting, and such a beautiful proposal! I'm so happy for you!

The Montgomerys said...

What a truly beautiful and amazing story. So happy for you!

God Bless :)
love
mon

Dee (a.k.a. joleystar) said...

This made me tear up. Congratulations to the both of you and I hope that there are many more blessings to come! :)

Tara said...

Hi Bianca... I am new to your blog/life... I found you through Jasmine's blog (I am a floral designer) and was intrigued by a comment of hers and went looking into who you were... then to see who your father is (long time Calvary Chapel person), and what your life is about was truly inspiring. I was reading your post about women teaching the day before your birthday and what a great quick glance into your life. Congratulations on the engagement and beginning of a new journey. I can't wait to see if Jasmine will indeed shoot your wedding and what amazing pictures those will be. Prayed for you all today. Be Blessed and oh have so much fun with it all!

Christa said...

sniffle, sniffle, just beautiful!!

I'm so happy for you! Congratulations :)

Frances said...

Ha! ha! As I left the church yesterday I realized that I didn't even ask you how he popped the big question. I just read how he did it but I would still love to hear it in person some day. Your so animated!
One more thing. Your mixed babies are going to be so cute! and tall too! I hope they come out with your beautiful olive tone and blue eyes. =)

Marissa B said...

Congrats B!! So happy for you! Looked for you at church last night and didn't see you. Your Dad can't wait to walk you down the aisle, he was beaming last night. I owe you a big hug when I see you next =) xox
p.s. LOVE the Getty what a perfect proposal, I almost went on Tues. but opted to go to LACMA instead to see the Renior exhibit. LOVE LOVE LOVE the old Getty in Malibu, would make a great date night for you and Matt.

jamiedelaine said...

oh woman. so stoked for you.

Dawn said...

What a beautiful story...and a beautiful memory. Absolutely thrilled for you, my e-friend ;)

Chichi {From Now Till I Do} said...

Bianca, congratulations! Saw it first on Jasmine's blog and knew by her post title that it must be your wedding! Wishing you and Matt a wonderful, God centred life together!

Beautiful proposal story.

just because said...

AHHH...I still can't believe it! congrats B and Matt! you're going to have beautiful babies :) i'll be praying for you two.

<3 legra

Renee said...

Congrats to you and Matt!! I love the Getty and IT is the perfect place! May God continue to bless you and your family in your journey of faith and love.

Peace & Blessings,
Renee

Nicole Monique said...

I am beyond stoked for you! You are such an amazing woman of God and it is fabulous that you found a man who can love you til the end of time! Many blessings to your newly formed lil family! Congratulations beautiful girl!

jacquelinefigueroa said...

ALMOST tears! I think my eyes even tingled a little when I read the part about your new family. Thank you, Thank you and Thank you again for sharing this with us. xoxo

Nayi said...

So excited for you bianca... will be praying for you & for matt.

oxoxoxo

thetrippychick said...

So, so overwhelmingly excited for you!! Your post (as usual) was amazing and thoughtful, provoking and honest, and beautiful.

Congratulations! I hope God just blesses your socks off!!!

WOOHOO!!!
Mary

Bianca said...

Thank you all SOOOOO much! I'm still beaming.

THE OLD GEEZER said...

I enjoyed looking over your blog. I found your profile on another blog I follow and I added myself to follow you. You are more than welcome to visit my blog and become a follower if you want to. If I have posted this on your blog before please forgive me. Sometimes it ain't easy being an Old Geezer.

God Bless You, Ron

Stephen said...

Bianca, this was a great post. I love what you wrote to Matt at the end. Precious. I'm glad the 'era of shun,' ended quickly for you:)

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

You know you're "part of the family" when ...

... EVERYONE reads your blog.

... big sister Cassie is your twitter friend.

... 16 y.o. Ben was excited to tell me that you were getting engaged, after he read it on Jasmine's blog.

... 13 y.o. Hosanna reads your blog every day (and I think yours is the only blog she reads, besides big sister cassie's)

... you're just a daily topic of conversation around our house.

love ya!

Mama D.

Apple said...

weee! i'm so happy for you! that was such a sweet engangement story!!!!<3 sooo.. have you guys set a date yet? >:D<!!!!

Kate Noelle said...

You get 1 OMG for how special and amazing this whole story is... and another OMG for how many comments you've gotten on this post! WOW! Congratulations and I'm so happy to hear you've found the love of your life who loves you like you need to be loved! :) He's something we all pray for...

Anonymous said...

How wonderful! Super congratulations to the both of you. My prayer for you is to be blessed and enjoy planning the most precious day of your new lives together. It is truly a day you will remember always and forever, write it down in your book of your new life, You and your children will look back with fondness.

May the never ending blessings of God fall upon you and Matt from this day forward.

much love
ap

amanda said...

I think this is so cute...later on in life you will be able to pull this out and recall all the details of how he proposed and how you felt so dont forget to save this blog haha im sure you already did though :)Bianca i am so happy for you!!! May you both be blessed together in this new chapter in life. Love you lots!!!

mac said...

Hello Bianca,

what a beautiful story...I think you have the best family a I ever known only from the internet and in a little while a "Superman". :-) Even if I didn't know anybody of you personally, but because of all your writings and your and Jasmines Photos, it feels like I know you all and as if I was there.

Wish you and Matt all the best,

Markus :-)

Molly Moore said...

Someone might have already asked, but....

Is Jasmine going to do your pictures??

Alece said...

so beautiful. i'm really happy for you, B!

lauren waye said...

that is a totally awesome proposal story- congratulations! just goes to show that real life can be like the movies and amazing men do exist! you are a blessing and most deserving of all love and happiness. btw your ring is totally divine! xo

JOE+KATHRINA photography said...

Simply, congratulations :) Thanks for sharing your sweet story...makes me swoon :)

Christine Newhook said...

Congrats!! The proposal was so romantic!! :)

Kuria said...

Congratulations to you and Matt all the way from Malaysia! Hugs!

Bianca said...

Kuria! Thanks for the Malaysian hug :) That's rad.

Feuza said...

Tears starting developing when I read about the book and I even knew about the book from Jasmines post but still got me, what a thoughtful gift, he is amazing~ and can not wait for your wedding, you are such a blessing, what a great proposal

Eric Swanson said...

Way to go Bianca and Mike. Glad i had the chance to see you together!

brianwurzell said...

Promise and I just read this post. LOVE IT!!!! So good and we are sooo happy for you and Matt!

We hope we get the chance to continue to be a part of your lives for years to come and we know that you'll love marriage as much as we do!! It really is the best gift God has ever given to me!

We love you much and share in your excitement in these days! Let us know if you need anything! :)

Brian & Promise

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