Cupidity...

Books are like children to me. I hold them in my hand, keep a vigilant eye on them, and take them with me wherever I go. So when people tell me I have to read a book, it makes me feel like their thrusting their misbehaved, raggedy lookin' child on me and asking me to baby-sit. Eerrrrt! Stop, please.

But after Is Coffee A Date vlog, I began some fun banter via Twitter with Michael DiMarco and discovered a whole world of conflicting ideas. (Yes, my life feels like kittylitter in the dog bowl... completely out of place.)

Michael and Haley DiMarco are authors of several books, including their recent book on relationships, Cupidity: 50 stupid things people do for love. I have been swapped with work and speaking engagements so I haven't been reading like I usually like to, but as I packed for Mexico, I grabbed my thin, fair-skinned child and started reading immediately.

This relationship book is 245 pages, but it reads like a diary or a conversation with friends [if your friends are witty and slightly sarcastic]. It was such an easy read, I finished it in two days. What I love most about the book is that it's true. And if you know me, I read books to uncover their faults, so this was interesting.

For example, they spent some time on the different needs of a man and woman from pre-historic times [which included a sketch of a caveman named Grog]. Here's the breakdown in basic terms:

Women:

1. Protector: A man who gives me protection from nature and other cavemen. [Word!]
2. Provider: A man who provides cave, fur, food and base companionship. [Ummhmm!]
3. Enhancer: A man who offers me a chance to nest, hang furs and finger paint. [Amen!]
4. Romancer: A man who listens to me and dances with me under the moonlight. [Preach it!]

Men:

1. Bedmate: A woman who gives me warmth and continues my bloodline.
2. Helpmate: A woman who cooks the kill and feeds the babies.
3. Playmate: A woman who has tickle fights and plays pin-the-tail-on-the-mammoth with me.
4. Soulmate: A woman who shares my thoughts and dreams and works to invent the wheel.

To some, this is information you already know and basic. In fact, the book is so simple it's enlightening. With each turned page, the callous walls of my heart began to soften as I realized how many mistakes I've made in previous relationships.... and, if I'm honest with you, in my current relationship.

Married or single, this book is a quick, easy read that has great readability for both men and women. To order the book, click here.

MY PERSONAL DATA COMPLIATION:

Women: How important is romance to you? Do you pay for dates? Does your date open your car door? Married folk: Are you happy with your sexlife? Is the man the spiritual leader in your house? Do you allow him to be?

Men: How important is silence to you? Do you like to talk about everything? What's the first thing that attracts you to a women? Married folk: Are you happy with your sexlife? Are you the spiritual leader? What's something you'd change about your wife?

As always, you can answer anonymously :)

Friday Video Post: is a coffee date a date?

Church, circa 2008:

Him: Hey, I was wondering if maybe we could go get some coffee after church.

Me: [blink] Well, um... [blink, blink] uh, you know, I, um--no. I'm sorry.

Him: You don't drink coffee?

Me: I'm sorry. You see, the whole thing is a little serious for me. Like, I have a busy schedule and serve in youth ministry and if the kids saw me, blah, blah, blahblahblah [insert infinite blahs here]...

Somebody slap me. Hard.

There are, shall we say, uber sensitive Christians out there and I was (sometimes am) one of them. You know those people who ask for the seas to part, the heavens to open, and a divine voice to give us signs and wonders? Yes, Internet, that was/is/will be me.

I believe God can speak supernaturally if He so chooses. But the idea of dating in the Christian realm is complicated to say the least. If I'm completely honest with you, I suck at it. Like really, really suck at it. I'm the last one to answer the questions for this week, but there are my thoughts:

Here are some caveats and suggestions which are important in protecting your reputation and heart:

• If someone is asking everyone and their mother out to coffee, they are a player. And you need your PhD*!
• If someone keeps asking you out but has not or does not want to have the DTR, they are not interested in making the relationship serious.
• If you know after one or two dates that you aren't interested in the other person, be honest. Don't waste your time and their money!
• If someone keeps asking you out but likes keeping things at a shallow level, it's a serious case of DD*.
• If this is just a coffee date to get to know someone, there is NO reason why you should be holding hands, kissing, or more. Like my grandmother would say, don't give away what men should work for.
• Have at least TWO standards: 1. Does this person have a JOB? 2. Does this person love JESUS? If not, this person isn't ready to date. Period. The end.

Comments, additions, stones to throw?

**Edit to post: Tomorrow Matt will address some key questions to The Great Coffee Debate :)

*PhD=Player Hater Degree

*DTR=Defining The Relationship

*DD=Denial Dating