Tuesday, July 21, 2009

fillings, cavities, and root canals...

The good news is you have beautiful teeth. I tossed my hair over my shoulder with great pride and smiled like the Cheshire Cat. The bad news is that you had poor dental work. The smile melted and I felt like a fraud as my dentist explained to be that I had not one, two, but THREE cavities. I sat there in disbelief because I handled these minor problems in 1992 with large ugly pieces of silver amalgam to let the world know I had fillings. As preventative measures, I floss everyday, brush my teeth like my life depended on it, have Listerine and a toothbrush in my car, and a toothbrush and floss in my desk at work.

But seventeen years later shoddy dental work has revealed deep problems. Apparently the fillings weren't fully removed and have now grown into full cavities and I had NO clue. Ignorance is bliss, I wistfully said to my dentist. Not until you have root canals and dentures, she dryly retorted. She explained that this had gone unnoticed and potentially could've led to tooth decay and loss of nerve sensation. So essentially, your ignorance will lead to becoming a toothless women with no feeling in your mouth.

So here I am at my desk trying to not mystify my life and my calling, but many years ago I thought I dealt with my personal struggle with eating, addiction, and shame. I thought it was given over to the Lord and I've surrendered by addictions because I've lost the weight that caused me to be in the 48% of obese children in America. But I haven't. Speaking about sins I don't deal with or have conquered is easy. But how do I discuss a sin that I struggle with everyday? I refuse to be a hypocrite. I refuse to pretend I have conquered and overcome. I refuse to hide behind the sheer fabric of perfection. Why? Because Jesus is the Truth, He has conquered and overcome, and He is alone is perfect and in Him I have the strength to speak what needs to be spoken.

Yesterday, Lindsay commented on my blog post and ended it with some powerful words of Paul. She was the one who inspired me to post this today. Because really, I feel so weak.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." There I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness... in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

An arm and leg later, I left the dentist with four beautiful white porcelain molars and zero nerve damage. Tonight I hope to remove the decay of my heart and salvage the damage that has been done to my nerves. That is unless I lose my nerve and call someone else to fill in. To watch LIVE click here at 6:55PM.

14 comments:

jacquelinefigueroa said...

Amen to not being a hypocrite!! So many times we think we got it together. Those are the times we really need to check ourselves.
:)

Anonymous said...

You can do it friend!! I believe in you and most importantly I believe in a God that so faithfully bestows unending grace & mercy daily upon us! So my prayer for you today is that you will be overwhelmed with the peace of God and tonight in awe of the grace of God as you candidly share your heart and His Word with us!! You will be wonderful! You will be blessed, woman will be encouraged and God will be glorified!! Faithfully praying for you today!! 143

-j

His Jewel said...

Hey B,
Great post as always! I need to know who HELGA your dentist is! LOL She's harsh, but dentists like that are much needed! Would you be so kind to email me her name? I think I have the same thing only with one molar.

Girl, I've been waiting for this topic for 5 weeks! I can't believe you save it for the very last! It doesn't matter if you struggle with it everyday, we NEED to know we aren't alone in this struggle, but that strong, godly women like yourself struggle with the same things. =)

Is Gia on tonight?

Nicole said...

I was being tortured at the dentist yesterday evening too! I also managed to acquire a cavity friend and I plan on selling my first born to pay for it all!

There is no such thing as perfection...with the exception of God's unconditional and always forgiving love for us. I am typing this out as a reminder for myself :)

Keep doing your thing B. I think you are on the right track! Remember, addmitting you might even have a problem is the fist step to recovery. Yes, you can call me 12 step, although I'm not sure I know the next 11.

Anonymous said...

I would have never known because your smile is so beautiful!!! Glad you got it taken care of. And I think you are more disciplined than me and ALOT of people when it comes to eating. I do see victory in your life over that, promise! :)

nay. said...

B, I'm moved to tears, I don't know why... maybe because you have me nervous that tonight the Lord will expose the truths of the secret sin of my heart that I have thought was done and over with. But, in fact, have been also causing decay and damage.
I "happened" to pick up this lil booklet called My Heart-Christ's Home, and in it they address the Hall Closet of our hearts- the place where our more personal, secret things are stored. They are the boxed sin that we may not open or use but we definitely cannot (won't) get rid of. They're the things that we withold from Jesus but eventually run Him out of the house of our hearts because the stentch of that sin becomes too much!
I fear that this week's study will challenge me too. So, for what it's worth, you are not alone. The Lord has revealed something to you, He is restoring you, and thru it you will minister to others (me included!). Amen that the holes in our heart that have been caused by sin can be filled by Christ's redeeming forgiveness, love, and peace!
Prayin' for you!

Bridget said...

Ok, have I told you yet how much I love your posts??? And now I can watch you live...I'm so tuning in tonight!

Raul Hernandez said...

Bianca,

Si Se Puede!!!!

Estare orando por ti.

Lindsay said...

Bianca,
I find your commitment to keeping it real and being honest inspiring and humbling. I can only agree with the other comments already posted here, God is doing great things in you and through you and in the lives of others because of you.
And being as I'm commenting after the evening's talk...I hope it went well. I'll be sure to download it and be challenged some more! :)

Anonymous said...

Bianca, yesterday was awesomes, i have been battling this eating disorders for years.t.thanks for open up your heart to us, God Bless you child!!

The Montgomerys said...

This post has meant the world to me, especially that scripture. I needed that so much. Thank you....awesome post.

MON

Bianca said...

Thanks for the love and support! I am truly blessed to do what the sweet Lord has called me to do :)

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