Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The good news is you have beautiful teeth. I tossed my hair over my shoulder with great pride and smiled like the Cheshire Cat. The bad news is that you had poor dental work. The smile melted and I felt like a fraud as my dentist explained to be that I had not one, two, but THREE cavities. I sat there in disbelief because I handled these minor problems in 1992 with large ugly pieces of silver amalgam to let the world know I had fillings. As preventative measures, I floss everyday, brush my teeth like my life depended on it, have Listerine and a toothbrush in my car, and a toothbrush and floss in my desk at work.
But seventeen years later shoddy dental work has revealed deep problems. Apparently the fillings weren't fully removed and have now grown into full cavities and I had NO clue. Ignorance is bliss, I wistfully said to my dentist. Not until you have root canals and dentures, she dryly retorted. She explained that this had gone unnoticed and potentially could've led to tooth decay and loss of nerve sensation. So essentially, your ignorance will lead to becoming a toothless women with no feeling in your mouth.
So here I am at my desk trying to not mystify my life and my calling, but many years ago I thought I dealt with my personal struggle with eating, addiction, and shame. I thought it was given over to the Lord and I've surrendered by addictions because I've lost the weight that caused me to be in the 48% of obese children in America. But I haven't. Speaking about sins I don't deal with or have conquered is easy. But how do I discuss a sin that I struggle with everyday? I refuse to be a hypocrite. I refuse to pretend I have conquered and overcome. I refuse to hide behind the sheer fabric of perfection. Why? Because Jesus is the Truth, He has conquered and overcome, and He is alone is perfect and in Him I have the strength to speak what needs to be spoken.
Yesterday, Lindsay commented on my blog post and ended it with some powerful words of Paul. She was the one who inspired me to post this today. Because really, I feel so weak.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." There I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness... in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
An arm and leg later, I left the dentist with four beautiful white porcelain molars and zero nerve damage. Tonight I hope to remove the decay of my heart and salvage the damage that has been done to my nerves. That is unless I lose my nerve and call someone else to fill in. To watch LIVE click here at 6:55PM.