lonely hearts club...

After my three-year dysfunctional relationship with Satan* ended, I memorized Psalm 34:11, The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. For six and a half years I was President of the Single Hearts Club. Yes, I was the self-professed Six Year Single. I joked about it, but inside I struggled with doing Life alone. I did everything by myself; shopping, eating out, studying, driving to holiday functions, hanging with groups of friends.

There were times where I didn't mind; other times weren't as successful. Many nights after youth ministry I would chill with my two friends, Ben&Jerry, while watching You've Got Mail as I never received any mail. Pathetic? Yes. Honest? Oh, yeah!

But here's one thing I took for granted: I called out to my one, true best friend 24/7*. When someone couldn't listen, when no one would care, when everyone was busy, I leaned upon the only one who was there. I would have honest and tough conversations with my Divine Love about how lonely I felt, how ugly I must be, how ridiculously pathetic I was for watching hours of television on Valentine's day so I wouldn't be seen alone. But He listened. And cared. And gave me peace. Was I alone? Yes. But I had someone who was close to me... because the Lord is close to the brokenhearted.

So, let's do some market research. If you're single, what's one thing you enjoy about being single? What's something you hate about being single? If you're married, what are things you miss about your singleness? If you're married, please be gentle! And as always, please remember singleness is not a disease :)

*Satan is a fictitious name to protect the [not-so] innocent.

*24/7=24 hours a day, seven days a week

aloneness... [part 2]

On Saturday night I sat and discussed singledom with a 30something who was attractive, articulate, and athletic. He openly shared with comic relief the pity he receives from married folk who treat him as a diseased member of society; as if something was wrong with him because his left ring finger is empty. On Sunday night, a friend in our small group bible study moderated the conversation and discussed similar sentiment. Both want significant relationships. Both recognize that the time is not now. But do they walk around with an emotional limp or romantic leprosy? Or do they walk into a community, share desires, edify each other in individual stations in life, and actively wait for God's perfect timing?

My theological presupposition is that God is triune (I believe in the trinity [see Westminster Confession of Faith, 1646])). Before anything was anything, there existed God the father, God the son, and God the holy spirit (confusing right? Don't worry, theologians have been working through this for years!). There was never aloneness in the nature of God and since we are made in His image, we are created to long for relationships. Here's a simple chart:

One = Aloneness

Two = Relationship and Intimacy

Three = Community and Fellowship

When God said it was not good for man to be alone, we can infer He was taking a "divine pause" in His creation process to state that it was never intended for people to do life alone. God himself exists in a community and relationship; man, who is made in His image, is suppose to do the same.

So what happens if we are alone? Do we exist and live in this world as the walking wounded? I hate to be the Negative Nancy right now, but I got to keep it real. The truth of the matter is that not everyone is going to be married, some are going to get divorced, and others are going to be widowed. Does that mean their life, as in the words of God, is not good? Absolutely not. Being desirous of relationship is normal and God-given. My issue is that people [read: women] tend to find themselves as the social leper who must scream, "Single! Single!" as they walk through the marketplace.  In all of this discussion I want people to understand that 1. aloneness is not good, 2. we weren't intended to do life alone, 3. God finds value in you in whatever station you are in because He cares for you.

If you're single, please remove the sackcloth and ashes! Start enjoying the season you're in and believe that God knows it's not good for man to be alone. Revel in this season and make your time count. Find a community of support and stop trying to do Life alone.

If you're married, adopt a single person! Start a community of support! Remember what YOU'RE Friday nights looked like as a single! Yes, yes, Jesus left us a comforter and all that jazz, but really, the Holy Spirit doesn't make warm food for me and welcome me in to watch the Lakers game! Do something good: adopt a single.