Tuesday, June 16, 2009

aloneness... [part 2]

On Saturday night I sat and discussed singledom with a 30something who was attractive, articulate, and athletic. He openly shared with comic relief the pity he receives from married folk who treat him as a diseased member of society; as if something was wrong with him because his left ring finger is empty. On Sunday night, a friend in our small group bible study moderated the conversation and discussed similar sentiment. Both want significant relationships. Both recognize that the time is not now. But do they walk around with an emotional limp or romantic leprosy? Or do they walk into a community, share desires, edify each other in individual stations in life, and actively wait for God's perfect timing?

My theological presupposition is that God is triune (I believe in the trinity [see Westminster Confession of Faith, 1646])). Before anything was anything, there existed God the father, God the son, and God the holy spirit (confusing right? Don't worry, theologians have been working through this for years!). There was never aloneness in the nature of God and since we are made in His image, we are created to long for relationships. Here's a simple chart:
One = Aloneness
Two = Relationship and Intimacy
Three = Community and Fellowship
When God said it was not good for man to be alone, we can infer He was taking a "divine pause" in His creation process to state that it was never intended for people to do life alone. God himself exists in a community and relationship; man, who is made in His image, is suppose to do the same.

So what happens if we are alone? Do we exist and live in this world as the walking wounded? I hate to be the Negative Nancy right now, but I got to keep it real. The truth of the matter is that not everyone is going to be married, some are going to get divorced, and others are going to be widowed. Does that mean their life, as in the words of God, is not good? Absolutely not. Being desirous of relationship is normal and God-given. My issue is that people [read: women] tend to find themselves as the social leper who must scream, "Single! Single!" as they walk through the marketplace.  In all of this discussion I want people to understand that 1. aloneness is not good, 2. we weren't intended to do life alone, 3. God finds value in you in whatever station you are in because He cares for you.

If you're single, please remove the sackcloth and ashes! Start enjoying the season you're in and believe that God knows it's not good for man to be alone. Revel in this season and make your time count. Find a community of support and stop trying to do Life alone.
If you're married, adopt a single person! Start a community of support! Remember what YOU'RE Friday nights looked like as a single! Yes, yes, Jesus left us a comforter and all that jazz, but really, the Holy Spirit doesn't make warm food for me and welcome me in to watch the Lakers game! Do something good: adopt a single. 

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've been feeling so alone lately. I don't want to be around people, even from church. I hate being single adn I just want to be in relationship. Help...

Lindsay said...

Or adopt a couple of singles, then they don't feel like a gooseberry or like you're trying to 'parent' them!

I think we need to remember to embrace and enjoy whatever season we are in and embrace and support those around us too. Community rocks!

Anonymous said...

AMEN SISTA! You 100% took the words outta my mouth. Don’t get me wrong married life ROCKS, but SINGLENESS can rock just as much. BUT we must remember that this is no time for "sackcloth & ashes"; instead, its a time were as singles we can allow God to mightily USE us for His work without ANY timelines or restrictions that a married life can bring about.

ENJOY LIFE serve & travel FREELY.

Cyn

Quirky Christa said...

My brother is single and he's anything but alone. He has himself completely surrounded with friends, both single & married, his church peers, co-workers....any relationship imaginable.
Would he like to be married and in a meaningful relationship? Yes...but he's not desperate. He's happier than I've ever seen him.

Anonymous said...

Ladies, i am married and sometimes i wish so bad to be single again.. please enjoy your singleness cuz ocne you get married its all gone ; ), don't take wrong i love being marries but sometimes i looked at those single ladies and i miss my days of singleness when the only person i have to report was my GOd and my mother!!! enjoy!!

Anonymous said...

Bianca:

I read your Part 1 yesterday and was going to email you back my thoughts, but you totally shared them today. I thought about the Trinity as well! So cool.
The Lord has been dealing with me about this very subject of "aloneness" and not being this "lone ranger Christian"... your posts have truly helped me. May I share this post that God lead me to along the same lines? I was in teeeears...
Love you!!

http://www.standrewholborn.org.uk/documents/Howtobemyselfbutnotaloneasspoken.pdf

Anonymous said...

I am a married woman who the Lord has impressed on my heart to pray for the singles.Since Last year I have been faithfully praying for those of you that God has placed in my life.Daily I think of all my single friends and those I see that I don't really know but I am praying for you too. I might not always invite you over to watch the Laker game but I will labor in prayer for you!

Raul Hernandez said...

Hola Bianca,

Este comentario fue tan maravilloso que me dejo sin palabras!

Es sierto que Dios no crio al hombre para que este solo. Dios, a su tiempo perfect, le dio a Adam su Eva. Alguien que le iva ayudar a el vivir la vida en una communidad.

Estando soltero, yo en veces me siente solo, pero lo que tenemos que acordarnos es de la libertad que en este momento Dios nos ha dado para servirlo al el con todo nuestro corazon!

Continue with the great post. I'm blessed by them more than you will ever know!

Caio,

Raul

Bianca said...

@anon #1: My heart goes out to you. Really. I've been there before and I feel you. However, there are worse things than being single... like being married to the wrong guy. PLEASE find someone at your church or close friend to share life with.
@Linds, yes! I agree. Great insight! Thanks for sharing.
@Cyn, is this Cynthia I.?
@anon, I will check out the link :)
@anon, thank you for your prayers!!! I covet them :)
@Raul, ayudame! No intiendo tu palabras :/

Anonymous said...

lady..yes cyn= cynthia I

BESOS

Anonymous said...

I am a very lonely person; don’t know how to approach people. I have been betrayed too many times by my “friends” that I decided to rather spend my time with me, myself and I. I that I bad thing, sometimes I miss having friends but I’m to scare to eve try it.

Anonymous said...

Este comentario fue tan maravilloso que me dejo sin palabras! (His post is amazina, i was speachless)

Es sierto que Dios no crio al hombre para que este solo. Dios, a su tiempo perfect, le dio a Adam su Eva. Alguien que le iva ayudar a el vivir la vida en una communidad. (God created men at his image so won’t be alone. God times is perfect, he gave Adam his Eva. Somebody who will help him to live a life within a community)

Estando soltero, yo en veces me siente solo, pero lo que tenemos que acordarnos es de la libertad que en este momento Dios nos ha dado para servirlo al el con todo nuestro corazon! (Being single sometimes I felt lonely but, we have to remember that during singleness we have the freedom to sever God eve more with all our heart) I hope I translate well... My Spanish is better than my English.. Raul it is beautiful what you wrote...

Bianca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bianca said...

@lonely anonymous: don't give up! Seriously, it's hard for me to trust people due to similar reasons. Even friends in ministry will backstab you and let you down, but that doesn't mean you give up. Sometimes we must put ourself out there and flat-out ask to be mentored or simply loved on. After serious prayer, just take the first step and let the Lord heal your brokenness.
@translating anonymous: muchos gracias por su ayude! Soy un pocha y quiere aprender Espanol pero tengo muy nerviosa :( How was that? Were my tenses all over the place? I'm going to start watching novelas on Univision!!! This is pathetic.

His Jewel said...

Girl, it doesn't work! Trust me! I've tried novelas, music, taking conversational Spanish, you name it, I've done it and still I can't speak Spanish =(. I think I need to go live in Cuba for a year, then I'll learn! ;o)

Anonymous said...

Bianca you are hilarious, please no novellas, they junk. Ve me TV is good if you want to improve your Spanish. But, I know that you don’t need it.

jenn said...

Great post and something I need to remember more often. I'm a single mom and that sometimes makes me feel like I'm in a group all my own. Sometimes it's hard to fit in with the singles or the marrieds.

Of course I have my "poor me" days, but most of the time I can see how blessed I am. (And I have married and single friends.) Part of me hopes for something more in the future, but I'm doing my best to enjoy the season I'm in.

I Named Your Dog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I Named Your Dog said...

Great posts Bianca.

Maybe someday you might be inspired to cover the topic of being equally yoked when it comes to dating (Dorting?) and eventually marriage?

I know it's a lot easier said than done to say that you shouldn't date or marry someone that you're not equally yoked with, especially when you haven't actually dated someone who is a Christian.

As for me, it's hard not to fall into old BC habits when it comes to women I meet who are not Christian. Although, I am determined to be equally yoked, even if it means staying single as you've described.

I'm sure there are a lot of other people struggling with this dilemma too.

There's my blog Love for the rest of the week.

MiriamRodriguez said...

jajaja Bianca to be a pocha you write pretty good spanish.

I just want to say that we all have a season in our lives, my advice to the single is to enjoy it. First of all give it all to God, fall in love with him first. That special one will come at the right time, for now enjoy every single moment of your singleness. Like Bianca said...becareful who you give your heart to cause sometimes you can fall in love with the wrong person and the worst thing is you'll end up hearbroken. Don't focus on the future but the present, live every moment as if it was your last. Most importantly fall in love with your creator and when you meet that special one, God will never be put aside b/c he will always have the first place in your life.

I love been married but it takes a lot of your time, you have bigger responsabilities and you do get to miss your singleness. Marriage is GOOD but at the right time with the right person.

God Bless you all

Maribel Kusen said...

God's using your singleness in an incredible way! won't you adopt me?

MPH Photography said...

I have the most awesome and God loving brother and for one reason or another he has not been married and now he's 50, although looks 30ish. He's praying and hoping he'll still find the right girl that God has choosen for him, he's ok where he is but i'm the one with the problem. He comes over daily and plays with my boys and tells me about his work and his daily life with God, we talk about everyone and the whole time my heart aches for him. I so want him to have what I have, to be married and have children. My mom wants that too but we know we must trust in God, and His will be done, but its so hard to watch such an awesome christian who is wonderful, beautiful, giving and loving be alone all the time. Your post helps me to remember to leave it in God's hands and trust in Him and if its His will it will happen and if not that's ok and he'll always have my boys and I'm sure they consider him to be the best uncle in the world. God bless you B.

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