Friday, February 12, 2010

Friday Video Post: clubbing...

Maybe it was a bad first experience. Maybe it was because my mother told me it was bad. Maybe because it was dark and smelled like sweaty feet. Or maybe because I felt convicted simply being there. Either way, I hated being at Los Angeles' Club Kiss that Friday night in 1999.

I was curious to experience what a cool Friday night felt like. You know, all the cool kids go to downtown to club. Of course I had to go! After being there for twenty minutes, I was over it! I thought a club was for dancing. Boy, was I wrong! Drinks offered, sleazy Guido-looking guys wanting to dance, and sauna-like dance floors have tainted me ever since.

So maybe I'm not the right person to discuss the question of clubbing. Here's where you come in. True learning experiences occur in dialogue. As we discuss the question of clubbing, what experiences do you have to share that would help people formulate decisions. Please do not smite people with your comments. Yesterday I got some AMAZING feedback from facebook. I love interacting with people on that page--let's keep the gloves on ;)

I would love to reconcile our personal convictions to what the bible says to be true :)

Here are some questions to help you check the intent of your heart:
  • What are you wearing? Is it appropriate?
  • What will you drink? Should you drink? [drinking discussed on the this vlog]
  • Will your actions cause you to stumble? Will it cause someone else to stumble?
  • What will your interactions be with the opposite sex?
  • Why are you going?
  • Will going to a club help or hurt your faith?


ruthie said...

Bianca! Yep, I knew I liked you for a reason. I feel the exact same way about clubbing. People look at me sideways when I say I do not clubbing. Have always disliked it, even when I was younger. The rest of my siblings like it. I do not. And there is also the fact that I do not drink. People find it so difficult to believe that. It is quite possible to have fun without drinking. Now, I do not judge anybody who does so - club or drink - it's just not for me. Like you, I can dress up, put on music and dance in my room sipping on some water or orange juice and be fine.

And do not let me even start on the shady, greasy, gross men that just have to brush up against you because 50 feet between you and a counter is not enough room to pass.

Love your vlogs and topics. Keep up the good work.

christy said...

totally agree! I am married and have friends that have asked for a girls nite out, but I am clubs or bars please...i don't drink either, but also i don't think my husband would appreciate it either...just like I wouldn't appreciate it from him...and believe me I LOVE TO DANCE! I am so glad u talked about it:)

Anonymous said...

Dear Bianca, here are my two cents. I remember growing up in a conservative Christian home, my mom wanted to kill me when I asked her for permission to go to a club, she allowed to go but, she told this: “do not take any drink from anybody” “do not dance with strangers” “do not dress sexy, hutchie or provocative” because you are going to the world but that doesn’t mean you belong to it. Ah she almost made my friends to sign a contract that they would behave and do follow her instructions. I thought at that moment, my mom so dramatic, but those words kept making more noise than the club music in my mind, I did ended up going because I do love dancing, I can dance by myself and still have a blast, but I did followed my mom advise, so my friends and I (boys and girls) when we went to a club we only dance with our group of friends, we do not allowed the ladies to dress up revealing so we didn’t get harassed by the boys at the club that may take any girl there as a booty call.. Thanks God drinking was never appealing to me and my friends; our thing was dancing and having fun as a group. I have been in a club in a very long time, but like you said if I feel like dancing I just dance.. Clubs these days have been degraded to a point to make us women a simple men instrument to play with.

Bianca said...

After reading your comments, I want to clarify that I'm not anti-clubs.

I also know that certain cultures are more prone to socializing in environments like a lounge or a club. While in Israel, I went to dinner with one of my friends and he took me to a restaurant that wasn't a club. But they happened to have dancing and live music.

Did I raise a fist and boycott? No way. I totally enjoyed the moment and danced for a bit. Is this a reoccuring thing in my life. NO. I'd seriously rather watch the Office in comfy clothes and eat cold pizza. Truth.

ruthie said...

The Office! Yes! And Modern Family. :D

Matthew T. said...

I just finished watching your video and it tell me that you are not anti-club. When I first read about your discussions about clubs, I first thought about people's groups, however it's more about a hangout that involves alcohol.

Clubs can have their good moments, but we really hope in the long run that nothing gets out of hand. We should watch our actions and act appropriate and not embarrass ourselves or others.

the BLAH BLAH BLAHger said...

I'd love to weigh in from another perspective. I am a conservative Christian who dances AND drinks (gasp!). I was just at a conference for women last weekend and went to a super fun dance party! It was funny to me at first that there were no guys to dance with, but then I realized that at weddings or clubs (that I went to when I was younger), the girls ALWAYS danced together and ended up having more fun!

Regardless of the choices a person makes, they must always channel Paul, like you said. Our actions and choices DO influence people and we need to be cautious. That said, I think there is a way to dance and even drink (gasp! again) without making a fool of yourself or causing another person to stumble!!!

Ultimately, we all need to be responsible for our own actions, and be careful to not represent ourselves as anything other than who we are!

christy said...

i don't think u came across as anti-club either:)

i think we all have our own convictions and the questions u posed to ask yourself before going are good questions.

Dana said...

Clubbing definitely isn't for me, but I'll go twice a year with friends. I think the questions you pose are truly on point. The main one being, what are your intentions. I know a lot of my friends go "to find a man" and I'm just not into that type of thing. At the same time, I'm not judgmental about it either b/c I know people express themselves, meet people, and have fun in different ways. I definitely think Christians should hold themselves to a higher standard, but not necessarily say you're going to hell if you go certain places. It's definitely all about your intentions... whether you're walking into a club or church. God looks at your heart and your intentions mean everything to Him.

Katy G said...

I think you gave a great point of view on the whole thing. My father (the conservative pastor) has always said some things may not be considered a sin (like having a drink w/out getting drunk), but will it be a stumbling block to others around you. He will not have a sip of wine when we celebrate Passover w/ our church because there is a woman in our congregation who feels it's wrong, but at Christmas he had a glass of wine w/ dinner because there wasn't anyone around that would be offended. I don't think going to a club is sinful in itself if you are conducting yourself in a manner that isn't vulgar (clothing, dancing, and speech). But like you said, if there are other places to have fun and dance, why not go there instead. :)

Anonymous said...

For me, Personally, Nope. I went once, got hit on by several men...offered things, all in 2 hours. Not for me. I felt like the sludge coming out of your car when you change the oil at 6,000 miles rather than 3!
I have spoken to my Daughters about it, and instead of them and their friends going there, I offer them my home...Clean Party all the time..Yay! ( I also get the peace of mind that my Daughters and their Friends are not being hit on by some sleezy male figure..notice I did not say hunk!..just a mom!)


Anonymous said...

Bianca, I like your POV (point of view), but it's a bit too legalistic.

I like having a good time and I don't like people thinking I'm carnal. As a guy, sometimes it's easier to converse with a girl at a club than it is at church.

You never know....... it could be a witnessing opportunity!

Brianna said...

did my sister just get a shout out on the blog?? haha!

ummm...these days I will only go to a club if I am celebrating someone's bday, etc and I feel obligated to make an appearance, or if I'm super vip and I can have my own little roped off area and dance with myself when I feel like it, and then sit on a comfy sofa and people watch when I don't. fyi...clubs these days are waaay better than when we were 19. swear.

Katie said...

Anonymous... you don't like people thinking you're carnal but you think clubs can be a witnessing opportunity? What?

Melinda said...

@Anonymous male - what makes it easier to converse at the club instead of at church? Is it because it's a more relaxed atmosphere?

Bianca said...

Dear Anonymous: Did you just say "witnessing opportunity"? Boy, you must be trippin'! FYI: Missionary dating is disasterous. Let me save your counseling fees and tell you one phrase from Ice T:
You better check yourself, before you wreck yourself.

@Bri: I wasn't going to say that you were the one I went with... but since you put it out there, I'll admit that you and Jaqui Blu made the night at least tolerable. I love you. MTV on Monday!!!

brit brat said...

Bianca had I known you'd personally quote me in your blog(video and all) I would have refrained from commenting!!!!
Yes I still say fly!! sue me! but you're right, it is all about a person's intentions. That was my point. Its not just about the fact that you stepped in to the establishment that bounds you to corruption, but the choices you make before, during, and after. Your morals and beliefs should be worn everywhere you go like eyelashes....out in front for everyone to see!

DtothaG said...

Please forgive me if I sound legalistic, I try not to but ya know.

Im not for clubs neither totally against them. Due to my job I would get invited to many clubs in the past and for me alcohol became an area where I stumbled for a period in my life. Tho many women may go there to just dance, a hefty amount of men are not there for that same enjoyment. I have seen too many fights at clubs, seen men try to take advantage of women at clubs, even had a good industry friend die at a club in downtown LA over some nonsense. I no longer go nor plan on going unless my job has an event that I must attend - Praise God that alcohol is no longer and issue and God has strengthened me enough where it is no longer a temptation. What I am trying to say is that from my experience clubs are def not a great place to get caught up in attending on a frequent basis, it's like temptation central with all the booze, drugs, sex and other things that are easily available along with the phys ed class smell in the air - yet I do not cast judgement on anyone who attends and it also depends on the person's heart which only God can see.
I do not think that regular attendance to clubs in an effort to witness is a good idea as well because it can end up being a bad witness.
I have heard of so called Christian clubs which seem to be an alternative for Christian socialites who want to deomonstrate that you can still have fun and dance without being destructive to yourself or others.

Anonymous said...

Good answers bi, I agree with you all the way and I am so happy that you had a horrible experience in 1999, that just showed you that your mama was right!! love you!! :)

Leah said...

I was reading your facebook comment on this and agree with most of the people who wrote. I do think that it is an issue of the heart and the closer to God we are, the less we will want to be in those places. The closer I draw to God, the more I hear Him speak to my heart, and the deeper I fall in love with Him. This will change how I view everything. I like that you talk about these topics and my prayer is that people would draw so close to the Lord that they would do what He would want them to do. He will change them from the inside out. And I have to comment about people saying it's judgemental to say they wouldn't or shouldn't go: It is not judgemental to give your opinion. When people think that, they need to check their hearts. It is judgemental to say people who go to clubs are going to hell because they went there, or that they are not Christians because they went there. Nobody was saying that, they were sharing their convictions and showing how God has changed their desires and now they no longer desire that kind of atmosphere.

Anonymous said...

It CAN be a witnessing opportunity IF you are going there TO witness. Prayed up, and praying for the people in the club. I've done it. But the bible warns of not getting caught up in trying to helpn someone out of a sin, lest you get caught up in it yourself.

Lara said...

I love your blog so much, Bianca. I've been enjoying reading it for about a month now. Thank you for sharing so much of you, for teaching, for inspiring! I hope we get to meet in the near future!

Sare said...

I myself don't mind clubbing but then it all comes down to intentions, my intention is to go and have fun dancing with my girlfriends, I don't get drunk although i might have a drink if i feel like it.
If the music isn't great or there are too many sleezy annoying guys we'll sit out on the deck and just chill out and chat.
Anyway thats my two cents :)

Lydia said...

Anonymous, you don't have to go to a club to witness! Just this last week my sister and I have found opportunities in Panera, at the fast food drive through, while out shopping. It's really more of a lifestyle than have to go to specific places or waiting for the "perfect opportunity." Plus, it keeps life interesting. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Love your blog. Just wanted to share some bible verses I was referred to when I asked this question;

Romans 13:13
Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don't participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy.

and also Galatians 5
19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.


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