Wednesday, January 6, 2010

i'm sorry...

Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and He will lift you up. James 4:10

I looked at him directly in the face and said, I'm sorry. But it was one of those, Oh, ya know, like maybe perhaps kindasorta I was a wee bit in the wrong. He looked at me with his deep blue eyes and tilted his head down in a You-don't-really-mean-that sort of way. He saw right through me. Helen Keller could've seen me?! It was that insincere.

Through patience, kindness, and love, I was able to express my mind, yet realize I was totally, completely, unabashedly wrong. By the end of the conversation I knew the importance of a sincere apology and felt like a schmuck for faking the funk from the beginning. I was fooling no one. Not even myself.

On the long drive home I began to think about the power of apology and the heavy weight it removes from relationships. If a sincere apology fixes so much*, why is it so difficult to do? It's quite simple. P-R-I-D-E.

Maybe all you good people in the blogosphere don't wrestle with this, but I hate being wrong. Like loathe it. But I'm in good company. Oh yes, Eve, Moses, Paul, Miriam and Bianca have eaten of the delicious fruit of deceitfulness of self and have paid the price. Broken relationships, angry fights, loss of friends or family simply because pride thwarted a healing apology.

Whether it's apologizing to the Creator of the world or the one you created, humble yourself for the sake of God. He will lift you up (Luke 14:11, 18:14, 1 Peter 5:6).

*I love research and I found a GREAT article in Psychology Today about the healing benefits of apologies. If you need to receive or give an apology, you should check it out :) You're welcome!

24 comments:

Jason said...

It's such a hard thing to humbly ask forgiveness. God's put me through a process of it and I've found...perhaps strangely...the more you do it the easier it gets.

Michelle said...

Yep. It's the sincerity part that is really hard. :{ You're not alone.

That verse from James reminds me of growing up in our conservative church. We used to sing it....
the men would sing, then the women would echo...

"Humble thyself in the sight of the lord."

Good times. :)

Bianca said...

@jason: I couldn't agree more. I know when I'm being bratty and obstinate. When I CHOOSE to be full of pride, I can actually see it now. Thanks for sharing and welcome to the blog!

christy said...

I am not a Russian bride for sale..(like that?):)

Yes saying sorry is hard...especially when your pride rationalizes why u did wrong to begin with...like "i am sorry, but...it's because this or that..." or we find all sorts of excuses as to why we did it...finally I got around to apologizing and owning my mistake and truly acknoledging the pain or hurt I have caused and asking for forgiveness...

i love the verse...thanks!

Anonymous said...

Need soooo much to heard thism thanks Bianca and I will work on let go of my pride which had ruin as you mentioned many relationship.

Diandra Ann said...

ooo... I have a hard time with this too. I also hate being wrong. But it sure is a good feeling when I finally swallow the huge pride lump and do it :)

Evie Smith said...

On a very practical note, the book, "The Five Love Languages of Apology" by Dr.Gary Chapman is awesome:)(any christian bookstore would have it) I'm trying to teach my kids to learn how to apologize. It's never a fun thing. Ahh, the joys of being a Mom;) lol

I Named Your Dog said...

I guess I know how this guy feels as I'm still waiting for my STARBUCKS GIFT CARD OF $100 (I'm adding on the compounded interest here) for winning the Name your dog contest many moons/months ago.

Just so you know, I was being facetious when I told you before that by the time we go to Israel in 2011, maybe you'll remember to buy me a coffee then and you said "You've got a deal!" NOT! Sorry ROCKSTAR... that's not what I meant and that wasn't the deal.

I'm going to hold you to this until you pay up! LOL There has to be some good material here for a future blog entry about not paying up on bets. I know you can think of some relevant bible verse in that pretty little head of yours.

Ciao ROCKSTAR!

Anonymous said...

Just so you know, "schmuck" is not a good word to use. :( It may mean jerk, but it also means something else.

Allie Marie Smith said...

I'm right there with ya sister. Thanks for sharing.

An Imperfect Perfection said...

I'm guilty of this too.... blessings to you!

Renay. said...

Ahh, straight to the heart... I'm not going to be too proud to confess that I have a P-R-I-D-E issue to deal with. Saying sorry is like eating brussel spouts... it leaves a bad taste in my mouth but I do it because it's good for me! Thank the Lord for my patient and gracious husband! In other words, I'm with you girl! Pray for me and I'll pray for you! Luv ya!

Evie Smith said...

boo, I should have drank my coffee first, THEN wrote my comment...:( The book is, "The Five Languages of Aploogy" I'm sorry...haha

Bianca said...

@michelle: I LOVE THAT SONG!!! I totally was humming it as I wrote the blog :) Just one MORE things we have in common...

@christy: #&*^@%!#(%( [<-- That's Russian for "Thank you for not being a bride for sale!]

@anonymous: I've seen SO many marriages that can be saved just through apologies. But yet it's so hard :(

@diandra: The lump is quite large. FYI :)

@evie: GREAT book by a GREAT author. I bought all the girls on my leadership team Dr. Chapman's first book. It's awesome.

@INYD: You. Me. Aroma in Jerusalem. Deal?

@anonymous: I'm so embarrassed! I'm going to Google the meaning right now. Sorry!

@Allie: Hey Miss Blogging Queen! How'd the radio interview go?

@Miss Perfect: I think all of us are guilty of this at some point :(

@Renay: Brussel spouts? Hahahahahahaha! That was funny. Let's pray for each other!

His Jewel said...

That was a HUGE one for me in your 7 Deadly Sins study! It's hard to say "I'm sorry" because I don't want to be rejected, which is PRIDE anyway! LOL UGH Pride, I hate it! But I can't say I'm sorry if I don't mean it. I just can't do it. A guy friend who apologized again to me just yesterday (only sincerely this time) said he was sorry and I thanked him for his apology and email. I felt like an apology was expected of me, but I couldn't because I didn't know what I was sorry for. Then the Lord brought it to my tiny mind and I apologized sincerely ;) Are you sure I'm not your twin and Jasmine and I weren't switched at birth? LOL

the BLAH BLAH BLAHger said...

Raising my hand in the "I hate to be wrong category", too. A few years back, I did the Spiritual Growth Study and learned A LOT about listening to people when they tell you that you've wronged them because in most cases it's just as hard for them to admit...and that makes it all the easier to offer a heartfelt and sincere apology! I like to think I learned a lot then and don't screw up anymore, but like everyone else in this world, I'm a work in progress! : )

Bianca said...

@jewel: No, Jas is my twin :) I'm pretty sure of it! But I do remember that week on pride for Seven Deadly Sins. That was a tough one!

@blah: I think I'm going to buy one of those tacky t-shirts that says "Work In Progress" just so people know i'm messed up! No, I'm serious. Well--maybe when they are a little less tacky :)

Anonymous said...

..In my family we call it "Kaczmaritis"...funny as it sounds, it albeit's to many irritating idiosyncrasies that plague our family. From massive collections of things, to driving to fast to least but most important, Pride. A few letters it has, but the pride in each of us is very strong. I do struggle with this issue. As a Puerto Rican n Ukrainia Mix, I am as head strong, stubborn, always right as they can get. But on the positive side, by the Grace of God, I have been made humble. I know I'm not perfect in any means...(but ain't I right some of the time?..sorry just had to put that one in there!)
Pride...with prayer PRIDE will be reduced to pride.

guess I need more Prayer.

I have a shirt that says
"I'm not here to make your life easier...I'm here to rule!"

To the Bible I go for more discipline.

Anna Peavy

I Named Your Dog said...

Sure, why not? That's only 15 months from now. I bet you're already praying extra hard that Jesus comes back no later than that right?

Maybe I can join you for a couple of your early morning runs this time?

BTW, disregard what I told Zoe tonight.

Celia Jimenez said...

I was notorious for stomping out during "confrontational" conversations. God has used some very patient, loving, gentle people to show me back to the Word and what a gentle, contrite spirit looks like. So many verses talk about God bringing down the proud and delighting in the lowly. I am on the path...not there yet. The steps definitely include a lot of apologizing, realizing I truly am wrong, and humility!!! So painful! So good!

Michelle said...

"Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."Proverbs 11:2
I love your transparency because it helps and encourages those around (readers) that we all have struggles....both in the big and smal things. Thanks Bianca!

Anonymous said...

Bianca,
This could not have come at a better time. I read this post and was all "well, I don't have anybody to apologize to because I'm cool as a cucumber," and then got into a horrible (and totally stupid) fight with a loved one (about nothing - and I'm pretty sure my hormones are at fault!) Needless to say, my real-serious apologizing skills definitely got a workout.

The Lord works in mysterious ways!

I'm feeling humbled, like a jerk, and hoping for some serious grace this weekend.

-Connie.

Anonymous said...

crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?

Bianca said...

@INYD: Ok, ok, you get TWO cups of coffee. There! Ya happy now?! :)

@Celia: The stomp out? Whoa! That might be worse than me :) I'm so glad we are both being shaped daily. Cheers to a new year!

@Michelle: I have to be honest with others because I'm afraid of being a hypocrite. I'm so glad we have a platform to be real with each other.

@Connie: God has perfect timing! I'm so glad "mysterious ways" have brought about some good insights :)

@Anonymous: I really like this question and think it could be a vlog. Can you email me a little bit more speficially what you mean? bianca@inthenameoflove.org Thanks!

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