Friday, September 11, 2009

foolish things...

Brad picked up his guitar and began singing songs as staff devotions began. The staff loudly began to worship and unabashedly sang out as the chorus approached. The honest truth was that my mind was not there. My mind was on a million other things as I was stressing out about this weekend's Genesis retreat and all the things which needed to be completed. Did I bring my notes with me? Do I have my VGA cable for my powerpoint? Did I pack floss? What if the studies suck?

Matt Redman's worship song Heart of Worship filled the staff lobby and I feebly sang in unison with my peers. But I didn't mean it. It was hallow and dishonoring.
I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about you, it's all about you
Jesus. I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it, 'cause it's all about you, it's all
about you, Jesus.
When Brad finished the chorus I was choked up and the shaky quiver in my throat caused me to stop singing--it was if Brad was singing where my heart should have been, but was so far from.

Life is not about me. As much as I want to believe that my words or leadership or charisma was needed for success, I humbly realized that it's never been about me. God is going to do a work in spite of my inadequacies, in spite of my faults, in spite of... well, me. When God calls us to do something or we are bestowed the honor of serving the Lord, there is peace in knowing we are only vessels. HE fills, HE equips, HE anoints us. At the end of the day, it's all about leading people closer to Jesus. 1 Corinthians 1:27-29 is proof that He's going to use me... I've obviously made a fool of myself already.

12 comments:

KS-Rebecca said...

Psalm 51:10-15

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. 14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.

Take comfort-Much Love,
Rebecca

Diandra Ann said...

Love you!

Unique said...

OK so I'm must admit, I'm excited...

jacquelinefigueroa said...

Awesome! Miss u, have fun this weekend. I'll be praying for you guys! And the studies are not gonna suck my fellow drama partner. ;)

Quirky Christa said...

So true...

Beth said...

LOVED this post. Been reading for a while and never commented, but this post was just so real. I've been in that place for weeks now where I've struggled to get into "that place" and worship with my whole heart. The most powerful words can become so meaningless if they don't come from the core of you, if you don't sing them out with your whole soul declaring God's amazing love. He is the only way.

Anonymous said...

Word up!!
<3 jen
*yay my first comment!

Anonymous said...

Keeping you all in prayer!!! Praying that God uses you to touch these young girls hearts!

Bridget said...

thanks Bianca! You inspire more than you know:)

jslatorre said...

I'll be praying for you guys this weekend!
Have you heard Matt Redman's testimony behind the song?
It chokes me up everytime I think about it. It was God challenging their church to offer more than a song for a season. It was weird at first-worship without singing/music/instruments (what would it look like?)...but at the end of the "singing" fast God gave him that song-the lyrics say all it taught them in that season where we all find ourselves time to time and yet God is so gracious and merciful with us. I had one of those days this week...appreciate the post =)

Warrior in Training said...

Thank you Bianca for your transparency and truth. God has been showing me the same thing lately. The thing about it is He's also showing me His faithfulness when I walk in that realization and not my own strength. What a good God we serve.

Anonymous said...

Covering you & this retreat in prayer!! Have a blast and to God be ALL the glory!!!!

Love you!

-j

Google

Blog Widget by LinkWithin