Thursday, September 24, 2009

ivan drago, me, and the sprint that changed everything...

So Rosie the Riveter, Irina Dunn, and every other Femi-Nazi who doesn't shave their underarms would've been proud today. In fact, Hillary Clinton would've probably patted me on my back as I finished my wind-sprints in bootcamp today. Oh that's right, Internet! I walked in late to the gym and saw two guys in my 5:15am bootcamp class. As sovereignty would have it, I was placed next to a tall guy with a shaved head and goatee who looked at Jacqueline and I as we walked in and took our places. As the instructor lined us up for sprints, he looked at me and smiled. But like a condescending smile which read I-Will-Kill-You [said like Ivan Drago from Rocky 4]. I returned the pregnant look with, I-Am-Woman-Hear-Me-Roar [rawr!].

Let's just say the competitive beast came out in me and I was determined to have this guy read the invisible Eat My Dust sign on my back. And he did.

As bootcamp finished and we walked to spin class, I boasted in my success to Jac. But somewhere in between the Justin Timberlake songs and the hum of the bicycle wheel, I began to feel very conflicted. Being competitive is one thing, but it was deeper than just wanting to win. It was wanting to beat someone who offended me by assuming they were better than me. In that quagmire laid all sorts of questions about myself.

I can't figure out if I am wrestling with gender roles, stereotypes, or prejudice, but all these scriptures are running through my mind as I think about the way I approach Life. Why do I feel the need to compete with others? What is the benefit of self-affirmation? What are the long-term effects of comparing myself with others? The answers are leading down roads of psychological destruction. I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10). I am part of something bigger than me (1 Cor. 12:12). God has a plan for my life despite the color of my skin, preordained gender, or class status (Jer. 29:11, Jer. 1:5, 1 Cor. 1:27-29) . Worst of all, if I'm not careful and believe my inner monologue, I might end up like Ivan Drago with a condescending spirit and bad haircut.

It's not about measuring up to others. It's about being who God has called you to be.
It's not about self-confidence and affirmation. It's about being confident in the Lord and believing He has already affirmed us.
It's not about assuming a lesser role due to gender, class, or ability. It's about being embracing the journey we are on in this specific season, at this specific time.

What's your journey? What are your struggles? What are you wrestling with today?

15 comments:

Jenn said...

Cool! I'm the first comment two days in a row!

I love anonymity because I can be "real" with you (and the world), but my struggle is wondering WHAT THE HECK I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE! It's like everyone is moving forward and I'm on a treadmill.
I just want to get to the end where I live happily ever after.

Marisa said...

i am wrestling with how my sin has covered many of those around me, causing painful wounds that only the Lord can heal. i know i am a new creation in Christ and no longer stand condemned, but do others see that? am i living with "an aroma of Christ" that is apparent to those who come in contact with me?

God is big enough, and God is sovereign. now if only i could fully trust He will do what he has promised :).

Lydia said...

"God has a plan for my life despite the color of my skin, preordained gender, or class status."

The color of my skin, preordained gender, and class status are all special parts of who God has made me to be and factor specifically into His plan for me! I do often struggle though with my abilities or lack thereof. Lord, help me in my unbelief!

Bianca said...

It's totally funny that we all intrinsically know the Truth, but it's completely cerebral. WE need it to be synergetically connected to the faith in our hearts. Mind + Heart = Totally believing God will do what He promised.

Love the honestly and candor. Like I always say, if we can't be honest with each other as believers, who can we be honest with?

B said...

Bianca,

Great post..

"I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10). I am part of something bigger than me (1 Cor. 12:12)"

For me the struggle is always to remember what I define my worth by. To remember that my worth is in Christ and not what I do for a living or what life stage I am not it yet. If that makes any sense.

christy said...

hi there! yes it's so hard believe sometimes that our identity is in Christ...with hard circumstances or comparisons to even your own siblings, insecurities can escalate and pretty soon you just feel horrible about yourself...and wonder where your place or what your purpose is.

God's been talking to me lateley through others like yourself....i needed to hear the message you posted today...thanks!!!!

melanie said...

ok, so was this post at all influenced by me calling you "SO the younger twin" this weekend? sorry! (but kinda not, you know?)
this was a good read for me this morning as i sat with my fancy omelette and virgin mimo this morning (which had me thinking of you already, anyway).
i'm gonna spend some time asking myself these questions today, and lest i come up short in the answer department, i'll call later and double check with you! :o)

love youuuu!

mella

and btw, i can't believe you called rosie the riveter a femi-nazi! she was the symbol that mobilized 1000's of women in a highly successful war effort during some very tough times for the good old u s of a.
and also, buy a garlic press. you can do it with your eyes closed if you're still worried it looks like worms.

Anonymous said...

BOOOLLAA. well done,i cannot pictute you comparing yourselves with somebody else.. love this post.

FaithBarista Bonnie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FaithBarista Bonnie said...

"EAT MY DUST!..."

Oh, that made me laugh, girlfriend!

LOL.

So cool you are on the lookout for what God is saying to you, even in that moment. ;)

Me, I am wrestling with enjoying where I'm at, without hitting myself with the "you should be better at ____ " stick.

Anonymous said...

Thank God for your blog! I have been struggling in my job for some time. It seems my boss is always looking for a reason to put me down, humiliate me in front of others and just plain make me feel worthless. Today was no different as I sat in a meeting with tear filled eyes as my manager said some words that hurt me. I needed to hear this and be reminded that God does have a plan for my life ...

Thanks

Anders Branderud said...

Bianca,

Hello! I found you’re blog and read some.

I think that the website www.netzarim.co.il will be of interest to you and your readers. It contains research about Ribi Yehoshua (the Messiah) from Nazareth. Anders Branderud

Annie said...

For me it's always been trying to overcome the knowledge that I wasn't enough for my father. Notice that's a small "f", but still a very important one. The cerebral and the heart need to join up and convince me that my Father loves me just the way I am and that is because He made me!!!

(on a side note, kinda, check out my blog when you have a chance... sending you thanks via zee blog!)

ks*Rebecca said...

Im struggling with extended Grace to those that have wronged and hurt me. I find myself in situations where I was once hurt but the shoe is on the other foot and my instinct with these people is :thats how they treated me! I know I should insteraf treat them like Christ would --AHHH its so hard.

Johanna ("God's gracious gift" - Hebrew) said...

AMEN B! Ugh... I have always struggled with comparing myself to others. Especially my appearance. Which is SUPER frustrating in this world. This is a timely post and I am blessed by your candor! Love ya!

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