Thursday, September 24, 2009
So Rosie the Riveter, Irina Dunn, and every other Femi-Nazi who doesn't shave their underarms would've been proud today. In fact, Hillary Clinton would've probably patted me on my back as I finished my wind-sprints in bootcamp today. Oh that's right, Internet! I walked in late to the gym and saw two guys in my 5:15am bootcamp class. As sovereignty would have it, I was placed next to a tall guy with a shaved head and goatee who looked at Jacqueline and I as we walked in and took our places. As the instructor lined us up for sprints, he looked at me and smiled. But like a condescending smile which read I-Will-Kill-You [said like Ivan Drago from Rocky 4]. I returned the pregnant look with, I-Am-Woman-Hear-Me-Roar [rawr!].
Let's just say the competitive beast came out in me and I was determined to have this guy read the invisible Eat My Dust sign on my back. And he did.
As bootcamp finished and we walked to spin class, I boasted in my success to Jac. But somewhere in between the Justin Timberlake songs and the hum of the bicycle wheel, I began to feel very conflicted. Being competitive is one thing, but it was deeper than just wanting to win. It was wanting to beat someone who offended me by assuming they were better than me. In that quagmire laid all sorts of questions about myself.
I can't figure out if I am wrestling with gender roles, stereotypes, or prejudice, but all these scriptures are running through my mind as I think about the way I approach Life. Why do I feel the need to compete with others? What is the benefit of self-affirmation? What are the long-term effects of comparing myself with others? The answers are leading down roads of psychological destruction. I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10). I am part of something bigger than me (1 Cor. 12:12). God has a plan for my life despite the color of my skin, preordained gender, or class status (Jer. 29:11, Jer. 1:5, 1 Cor. 1:27-29) . Worst of all, if I'm not careful and believe my inner monologue, I might end up like Ivan Drago with a condescending spirit and bad haircut.
It's not about measuring up to others. It's about being who God has called you to be.
It's not about self-confidence and affirmation. It's about being confident in the Lord and believing He has already affirmed us.
It's not about assuming a lesser role due to gender, class, or ability. It's about being embracing the journey we are on in this specific season, at this specific time.
What's your journey? What are your struggles? What are you wrestling with today?