Tuesday, January 12, 2010

twins...

I'm not going to lie. I feel his pain. Being the second-born twin ain't easy. It's an unstated competition every. single. day. Jacob and Esau wrestled in the womb and warred before entering earth. Jas and I wrestled on living room floors, in academic settings, and on athletic fields. It comes with the territory of being a twin. But through the years we've been partners in crime, change agents for good, and hustlers of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She does it with a camera. I do it with my voice.


Several references in Genesis describe the different giftings Jacob and Esau possessed. One worked in the field. The other worked domestically. One worked closer to their father. One worked closer to their mother. One was hairy and smelled funny. One was smooth-skinned and smelled like Tide and hints of Downey. The dichotomy between them could've made a dynamic combination of biblical proportions. Instead the journey included pain, death, bitterness, and a limp.

Though not everyone is a twin, I'm sure we all struggled with a competitive spirit or jealousy or flat-out Hater Syndrome. (Don't lie, you know it's true.) Sometimes we're put in situations which cause us to focus on what we are NOT rather than what we ARE. I work in a faith-based sector, I'm close to my mom, and I'm not hairy like Jasmine.* If I focus on what God has called me to do, I don't have time to look at what I'm not good at or what I don't have. It's just that simple.

God puts people into our lives for specific purposes. Think of that one person who you're at odds with... now focus on how different you are... now try to imagine partnering with them on something, anything. How can you come together and be change agents for good?

The cool thing about Jacob and Esau is we know how the story ends. Yes, there is restitution, but it came at a cost. If both brothers were to partner in God's individual blessings, imagine what the biblical annals might have looked like! Instead of waring with our brothers and sisters in Christ, how can we partner with them? Here's a tip: start with looking at your faults before analyzing others. Thought? Comments? Stones to throw?

*I can only say this because she is on another continent at the moment and can't kick my butt. Yes, she still kicks my butt. But she's my bestest friend and I love with more than bootcamp workouts, Mama's arroz con gandules, and reading in bed.

30 comments:

Tish said...

sounds like human trafficking! the russian bride part not the competitive twin part. GREAT post for all of us whether twin, sibling, or lonely only.

christy said...

u r hilarious...

i have to admit(with shame) that i have been feeling this way with someone and i hate it...i keep feeling bad for feeling this way...i have bitter thoughts followed by pleadings of forgiveness from God...i get so irritated with myself for being so irritated with this person and question myself why i can't let it go and what the heck is it to me anyway...well...it's just weird because its out of my nature...so that may be why i am so frustrated...but I just keep asking God to help me surrender and keep focus on Him and my own faults...

thanks for the post it is a great reminder and it made me laugh:) u gotta give us an update when your sis gets back and let us know if u had to order a retraining order:)

Bianca said...

@tish: I know. That was the first thing I thought of. It's so sad :(

@christy: If you feel prompted to surrender, you need to do it. Jacob wrestled for his blessing, but it was tough. You need to wrestle with some feelings and perhaps confront this person, but I ensure you, you will be blessed. It's hard, but worth it.

Jenn said...

Let me guess...

You are on the right and Jasmine in on the left. Right? I love this picture! It's so cute.

Brianna said...

haha....you called jasmine hairy.

ruthie said...

Love this post. Partly because my current devotions are in Genesis, just smack in the middle of Jacob and Esau. I am not warring with anyone right now, but I completely remember the sibling rivalry thing, especially with my sister. It was never too bad but I remember it. These days my sister and I are so close and it's wonderful. All my siblings are such a gift from God and are so ridiculously talented. My sister is also a photographer We're not twins though, although many ask if we are.

P.S. You are really beautiful, I thought that when I started reading your blog. And now I know that there are two people that look like that?! God given beauty I tell you. Inside and out.

Blessings!

Diandra Ann said...

Dang in B... I don't love this post. It is going to make me do something I dont want to do. Ack.

But you were cute.


xoxo

Anonymous said...

just found your blog. LOVE it. wow, your gift is to speak TRUTH sista! i love it!!

KS*Rebecca said...

not a russian bride-
Thanks for making me laugh and ponder. I hope my mother in law is reading your post :)~

Cristina Alyssa said...

Funny, I just wrote about this last night, but in a different mentality. I have been feeling left out, and looked down on lately. I just simply call it MCS MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME. But I think too many people just always try to find an excuse to feel the way they feel, and say they can't change because of "this."
I forget, I am who I am. Those people I compare myself to, could potentially be jealous of me in some way! Mwahahaha.

Thanks for sharing this!

Bianca said...

@jenn: Yes, Jas is on the left. I love this picture because it TOTALLY typifies our personalities! She's got a little 'tude and I'm dorky.

@bri: Um, yeah, she's going to kill me. Two words: Laser treatments.

@ruthie: Thanks for reading the blog. It means so much and affirms why I get up at 5am. Thanks!

@Diandra: In the words of Nike: Just do it!

@Anonymous: SO glad you found the blog! Stop on by any time ;)

@KS*: Bwahahahahahahaha! Mother-in-law? Oh no! I hope she doesn't read this comment ;)

@Cristina: Be who you is. At the same time, keep focused on JOY and who God has called you to be. Don't get easily down and bathe your mind with scripture. It'll pull you out of any funk :)

christy said...

Laser Treatments? u make me laugh!

Thanks for the funnies:)

Jasmine* said...

pee ess: i'm coming home to kick your butt.



(just kidding. i love you. now go buy me some razors!)

jenny said...

your blog is awesome.I just found this!

and totally agree with what you said on this post. we can always learn from someone if we take the time to listen and look at them how God looks at them, not how we see they are different from us.

excited to read more :)
love
jenny

p.s. no worries, i am not a russian bride for sale.

Staci said...

I think the hardest is when someone is trying to compete with ME. I know we can't change anyone & can only worry about ourselves...but I'm competitive in the basics of life...sports, etc. but not competitive when it comes to who people are & where they are in life. But, a family member is that way to my husband & I. And it's so painful to be myself & the next minute they are one upping us or are into the same things as us...but just a little more or trying to out do us. And sometimes it just makes me want to give up or stop doing that because I just want to be myself & I don't want to feel like someone is constantly on my case or copying me. I am so happy to be me...but it's not really flattery when someone wants to be like me when they are doing it maliciously. I feel like everytime I step out into my uniqueness...they are doing the same thing all of a sudden or they do it behind our backs & then make it known at an awkward time. So, in essence, they don't make me feel jealous or envious...they just rub things in your face & it's childish. Or they walk around telling everyone about all their accomplishments & how spiritual their lives are. I've wrestled with this & asked God to show me if there is something in me that maybe is envious of them or wants to compete with them but I honestly just feel so bad for them. Kind of embarrassed for them that they behave this way. (because I know we're not the only ones they do it to.) That they get their feelings of acknowledgement from the accolades they get or the accomplishments they obtain. So, my trouble now is not in being envious of them but in being able to pray for them & release the frustration to God & know that just as he deals with me in my flaws & struggles...he will surely do it in others. Sometimes it's so in our nature to secretly hope they lose it all just so they can see how arrogant they are...but I KNOW that is so terrible & I have to check that feeling at the door & give it up. I have to realize that the only thing I can do is to pray for them & continue to ask God to show me what I can learn about myself in all of this & how I can continue to embrace who he has made me; despite what other people are doing...even if it's the same thing as me. And to rid myself of behaviors or habits in myself that might rub others the wrong way, too. Gosh it's hard!

renay. said...

Oh, I love this post so much; I can totally relate (like literally) to it since I also know the competitiveness between twins. Ashamedly I also admit I have compared myself to others and have been jealous of certain people in my life. Thank God that I'm a work in progress and that with confessions like these, God will hear me and help me through these struggles!

PS As the older twin, I have to take Jas' side on this one... "kick her bootay, Jas!" By the way, you two were so cute!

Anonymous said...

Haha...husband is a twin and I see this in my two girls even though they are about 2 years apart and only 5 and 7...

But I was just telling my husband and friend about this last night...and a situation I am going through...

I just.need.to.surrender...

acknowledging that now is not my time and to not be envious of where others are at. This post was just another confirmation of that...I was immediately reminded about Elizabeth and Mary...Elizabeth was 6 months ahead of Mary and it was an encouragement and a gift, not a competition. I have "Elizabeths" in my life and rather than hold envy in my heart, I must learn patience and trust in God's specific timing...

I need to keep my eyes fixed upon Jesus and not get distracted by my competitive, ambitious edge. God will make my roadway when it is His time...for now I need to learn discipline and so so so so many other things that God is teaching me. My heart wells us with tears just thinking about all that God is doing to stretch me (it AIN'T FUN!!! haha!!!)...but God continually tells me "do more things that are unseen by others and do what is only seen by me." so that's where I am with my walk...and it's caused me to withdraw from seeking ministry or occupation and diligantly gleaning in the training field of my own home...

but I know it's for a bigger purpose and so I wait....*sigh!*

melissa

The Montgomerys said...

Jeez the Old Testament is getting good...I can't believe I've read so much through Genesis, and I can hardly put it down. I'm learning so much. It's really hard to get along with others sometimes, I find that when I'm holding something against someone, it steals my joy and I hate that. It takes a lot of prayer, and usually ends with me realizing that God has shown me so much grace so really how could I hold anything against someone else, but man it's hard. Love the picture :)

<3
Mon

Matthew T. said...

Nice entry. I didn't know that being a twin can be difficult at times. Competitive spirit to be a standout, now that is hard to contain sometimes.

Matthew Tang

Anonymous said...

Fellow Bloggers:
As I read the Original post, then read all the responses. I realized that I am not the only one that struggles with this sort of thing. One thing that I have learned is not to desire what she or he has for I (yes, me) don't know the steps they had to take nor the shoes they had to wear. Over the last 3 years, after my Grandmothers Passed away, I began to realize something very important: Love, Plain and simply Love. Love as Jesus Loves. Live, live simply, Live as Jesus Lives. Laugh, laugh at the challenges we face in life, laugh at the hardships.

Do I want to throw stones, yep, I could name many people, but I know they could also throw stones.

I talk to people, I don't run away. I try to talk, I try 3 or 4 times, and if I get no response, then I figure that they either dont want to talk to me or they think they know better, at least to themselves. Ive had many of people take apart something I spent many hours creating, and said nothing to me about it. My vision is not their vision. No sweat. Just move on.

Live is to short to hold grudges. Families are fighting, disagreeing on what ever...and this causes problems, it causes divisions. I HATE that, divisions in the family, they are not good. They are not good for the mental health of all involved or especially the one who the squabbling is all about.

Love
Live
Laugh
Talk.
Christ demands it.

ap

Anonymous said...

@ Anonymous

"Do I want to throw stones, yep, I could name many people, but I know they could also throw stones."

IS IT NOT IN THE CHALLENGING OF OTHERS IDEAS THAT WE FIND THE TRUTH? WHY NOT THROW STONES in words? THROW THROW AWAY! TOO MANY IN LIFE ARE AFRAID OF THE TRUTH! TOO MANY ARE AFRAID OF TELLING ANOTHER PERSON THAT WE THINK THEY ARE FULL OF SH*T! SAY IT, CALL PEOPLE OUT, LETS FIND THE TRUTH! LETS SOLVE THE WORLDS PROBLEMS! WE WILL NEVER DO IT UNLESS WE STOP PUSSSY FOOTING AROUND AND NOT SAYING WHAT WE REALLY THINK!


FOR EXAMPLE, HERE IS A SUBJECT I'M PISSED OFF ABOUT AND I'M GOING TO SAY IT:

How many of you are HAPPY WITH OBAMA? I voted for him, change, a new style of government but all I see is worse than Bush crookedness! Change! Change! I WANTED CHANGE! BUT DIDN'T GET IT! My vote was wasted and I got duped!

I'M PISSED OFF ABOUT HOW THE BANKS ARE CHANGING THE RULES RIPPING ALL OF US OFF!

I'M PISSED OFF ABOUT HOW "IN THE NAME OF LOVE" IS A BUSINESS AND I SO WANT IT TO BE REAL BUT IT IS NOT SO FAR, EXCEPT FOR ALL OF YOU RESPONDERS WHO GIVE ENCOURAGEMENT TO ME THROUGH MY QUESTIONS AND EXPLORATION! AS ALWAYS, THE SNAKE OIL SALES PEOPLE ARE JUST THAT! THANK GOD FOR THE FOLLOWERS!

I'M PISSED OFF ABOUT HOW THERE IS SUPPOSE TO BE A GOD YET NO ONE CAN SEE HIM/HER/IT.

I'M VERY CONFUSED AS SOME SAY THAT GOD IS JESUS, BUT I THOUGHT JESUS WAS GODS SON! GEEESH, MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

I'M PISSED OFF ABOUT HOW I HAVE TO POST THIS RANT AND ALL THIS IS NON-ISSUES IN LIFE AND WHAT REALLY MATTERS!!!!!!! AND IT IS NOT GOD OR THE CHURCH OR THIS BLOG!

I'M PISSED OFF ABOUT ALL THE POSTS WHICH WILL COME AFTER THIS POST QUOTING ONE OF A DOZEN DIFFERENT BIBLE SCRIPTURES (12 DIFFERENT VERSIONS) WHICH WE HAVE NO IDEA WHO WROTE AND ANY SANE REASON WHY WE SHOULD BELIEVE THEY ARE REAL!

Other than that, I'm pretty good.

Peace Out.

Anonymous said...

i think its funny that u r ranting about having to post...yet no one is forcing u to do it...

i think its funny that u r pissed off about the posts that will come after yours wuth quotes from the scriptures...yet u r still here posting...

sometimes u have to stop thinking of what everyone is doing to piss u off, or hurt u, or wrong u..and try to focus on those that aren't...and the things that u yourself are doing to piss others off, to hurt others, or wrong others....if u think the behavior of others is wrong, why do u think it's ok for u yourself to behave in the same way?

bottom line...Jesus loves u, no matter how mad or confused, or put off u r...u matter to Him...accept it or don't...but why do u feel the need to harrass those who do accept it?

Lindsay said...

Bianca...I feel like your words have just reached out of the screen and given me a much needed slap round the head, in a loving way of course! I had a serious case of Hater Syndrome at the weekend for someone I didn't even know just because I was jealous about a great opportunity she was able to step into. I spoke to her later and she is such a wonderful person and this opportunity will be great for her but I was so upset that my first response was jealousy rather than joy for her! Seriously, sometimes I'm so shallow! Thank you for your challenging (but encouraging) words :)

anonymous please get help said...

anonymous, maybe you need psychiatric help because you seem a little imbalanced and paranoid (really normal mentally heathly people don't do this) and also maybe not read bianca's blog because it makes you so angry and really the reason why we read this blog is not to read the horrible words you chose to write, it isn't it's just entirely unnecessary. If you were really "exploring" or "asking questions" you wouldn't be so hostile!!!!!!!! Please get help from somewhere.

Cindy A. said...

Dear (ranting) Anonymous: Unlike "anonymous please get help," I hope you stick around. :) I think you are a very real person, with very real concerns, and legitimate issues to be upset about. My only suggestion for now would be to take a step back because it seems like you are stuck on sorting out the "nitty gritty"... like looking at a great picture so up close that all you see are the pixels. Every single pixel, each tiny square of color is vital to making up a part of the portrait laid out in front of you, but if you focus on each one you'll never appreciate the beauty of the artist's masterpiece.

As for scripture... well here's one that is encouraging for me and it hope it is for you as well:

I am the Lord, and I do not change. -Malachi 3:6

PS I don't know what version of the Bible this comes from, but if you look it up on Google, all versions get the same point across. :)

PSS Bianca! *hug* I will give you a real one on Sunday night. Missed you at the last Genesis meeting, girl! Hope you're fully recovered and back on your feet!

shane said...

I don't think anyone is really saying that he shouldn't read the blog, but actually that there is a proper & positive way to state questions and not attack people, because that just ain't cool. If you answer the questions he is asking, it doesn't seem to help, or maybe he isn't really looking for an answer just wants to stir up drama and hurt people's feelings.

courtneypoolerflourish said...

Bianca, I'm a good friend of Diandra's, and she just shared with me your blog... girl, you and I are on the same page! I really would like to pick your brain and I'd love to meet with you. I am going through a two or THING! ;) Maybe D can fill you in... or maybe you can read my blog. Either way, I'll keep reading yours. Bless you!

Laurel said...

Hey B. ...

LOVE this post. You two look so much like my identical twins looked at that age. Wow! The dark hair ... big bangs ... pony tails ... and, one in green and one in pink. Woohoo! Your mama and I must be a lot alike to have our twins look so much alike. Seriously, I'll have to find a pic and email it to you. :)

Go twins! Yes ... COMPETITIVE ... but just as fierce of a love for each other. Different in so many ways ... yet the same in so many ways.

Blessings to BOTH of you!

mama of many

lauren waye said...

love this muchly! it's so easy to be distracted by what everyone else is doing/is better at/has. just gotta keep on remembering who we are- and we are individual, no one else is the same as us (even if they are a twin!). and our individuality has so much to offer the world.

Tra matt6verse34@aol.com said...

Great Post! I have just found your blog via (In)Courage . When I saw your pic I said to myself " self she looks a lot like that awesome photographer Jasmine Star"...haha glad to see I was not crazy! I am a twin myself! I love to hear the stories of other twins! I remember fighting when we were growing up....we were fighting the fact that we were twins...fighting for individuality! And yet I did compare myself to her....my shortcomings where she abounded in.. It was a rough road but Once I gave my life to Christ and she did 2 years later things have changed immensely! Now we definately celebrate how different God created us in personality,talent,giftings etc, we make a great team! all that to say...... Thank you for the encouragement and challeneges you present on your blog!! Keep speaking Truth and Love!! God Bless

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